Losing friends and finding new friends as we age.

This topic has 9 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by Canadian Eagle.

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April 3, 2013 at 10:19 am #30226

Barbara Hammond
Participant

I’ve recently added a new category for posts on my blog. Aging. Hey, we’re all doing it! One of the difficulties as we age involves losing friends. I’m not talking about death, although that is a reality in our ‘golden years’. I’m talking about friends moving away as they retire. Following the sun, leaving those of us who prefer where we are to fill their void. It’s not easy to find new friends after 60.

I would love to hear how others are handling this issue.

Barbara

April 3, 2013 at 10:54 am #30254

Molly McCord
Participant

Hi Barbara,

I can relate to this topic of friendship transitions as we age. I am in a different age bracket than you – 36! – but feel a strong resonance with this experience. I’ve found new friends online through forums, groups, and common interests, and yet it’s not the same as having a friend to go to lunch with or grab a glass of wine with. I’ve heard of many people liking “meet up” groups for new connections. I’ve made the conscious decisions to keep expanding myself and my interests with the trust that the right people will show up in my life who are also looking for me.

Warmly,

Molly

April 3, 2013 at 11:02 am #30257

Barbara Hammond
Participant

Thanks Molly. I know it’s not just an age issue. We’ve moved so much over the years I used to joke that starting over and finding new friends was almost an avocation!

I am gradually getting involved in local events, thinking I’ll find like minded people. It’s definitely a start!
Barbara

April 3, 2013 at 3:29 pm #30360

Kenneth Vogt
Participant

There are insular groups out there and you can be jousting at windmills trying to get into them. Better to look for communities or groups that are more open. And of course, if you want friends, be a friend. It is not enough to be merely friendly.

April 5, 2013 at 8:14 am #31176

Maggie
Participant

I relate to this. I’m in my 30s and parted ways with my best friend in Match of 2012. Over the last year I’ve read many articles on morning friends which, as a parent, I’ll admit, I felt like I should know already. But they did help, and over the last 13 months I’ve made four new friends I see with regularity and a handful I go to lunch with occasionally, trade recipes with, etc.

Losing my closest friend taught me how to be a better friend.

April 5, 2013 at 3:35 pm #31261

Rhiannon McKelly
Participant

I recently moved to a new city (in my forties) and it seems like it will take so long to form friendships. Everyone is in their lives and busy. (not in transition like me)

I attend yoga class and a dance class. It’s nice to just be around people sometimes even if they’re not my friends (yet). Anyone have suggestions on how to create friendships? I mean from the beginning? Do you ask someone for coffee? It always seems so awkward and with the opposite gender, I don’t even try to make friends because of what seems to be misconstrued as wanting more than friendship.

Sure does seem more complicated being older, and not knowing one person in a new town. I work at an Inn by myself so I only meet the guests that do not live here.

Anyway, I’m staying positive and hopeful. Just difficult to be patient sometimes.

April 19, 2013 at 6:38 am #34048

Quandra
Participant

The New York Times wrote an interesting article on this: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

April 20, 2013 at 5:00 pm #34107

Dennis
Participant

Rhiannon, As someone who has moved a lot, especially when I was younger, I can empathize with your situation. The hardest part is always in the beginning when you know no one and can feel isolated and alone. Have patience, it will get better. It sounds like your already doing some great things with your yoga and dance classes. I’m guessing that those activities will pay BIG dividends in new and most importantly, quality friendships. As time passes and your personal network grows, I know you’ll find great people to be great friends with. You’ll be off and running with new and rewarding relationships and be wondering how you could’ve ever been lonely.

April 20, 2013 at 5:39 pm #34108

Dennis
Participant

Hi Barbara…I’m really glad you posted this thread. I once was very proud of the multiple and lengthy close friendships my wife and I had. I always used to say that “a person’s true wealth could be measured in the quality friendships they had. ” Easy for me to say then—-not so easy now….Over the last 5 years I’ve lost friends to leaving the area, death and disagreements. The ones I’ve lost over disagreements confound me the most.—-My wife and I have had a few conversations over this topic. I’m 62 and marvel at how life is in a constant state of flux—-always moving—-whether I like it or not!—The truth is, is that voids are left in place of the rich, meaningful relationships. I miss them greatly……..I happened upon an article recently on Yahoo! that did some research on this very subject. A survey was taken and the results of that indicated that only a small percentage of friendships last—-at least in America. Indeed, I was talking to my son about this topic ( he’s 31) and the amount of contact with his childhood friends is non-existent and he still lives in the town he grew up in!

July 3, 2020 at 8:30 am #360359

Canadian Eagle
Participant

People come in to your life and leave , friendship is a revolving door. What I have discovered is the friends made in school and university sustain themselves, you may not meet for years but you pick up where you left off. Newer friends are different, usually it is built around a shared interest , others with the same interest join and leave the friend group. The trick is always be open to new friends and don’t be too concerned about friends that drift away ….. the key is always be on fair terms , arguments are never good in friends ships.
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