Thank you for the positive words everyone. It’s just been hard for a really long time. I’ve tried for so long to bring myself happiness but I always get shut down. The main thing I’ve wanted was a job that I love so I don’t get so much anxiety going to work since it’s something I have to do to survive. I have a year left in school and I’ve been trying to finish that last year but it’s been impossible. I went in the hole when my dad got sick and I took care of him for a year. Then it took forever but I finally saved my money up and was raising my credit again when a scammer called and completely emptied my bank account. The day before that happened my bf at the time left in the middle of the night because his strict mormon family threatened to no longer help him if he stayed with me. Thats when I decided to just moved away. However, it’s been even harder and lonelier. I hate complaining and sharing my feelings but it’s been overwhelming. Everyone thinks I live in a beautiful place, I’m so strong, and I’m so relaxed. But I’m anxious and terrified constantly. I don’t feel strong. I’m barely making it and I’m only doing what I have to because I have no other choice. I don’t have family to depend on if things go wrong. I don’t have anything.

Hello Anita,

So the stalker and rapist were different people. I was stalked severely from the age 16-20. I didn’t know the guy because he was out of high school by the time I started. I still don’t know why he did what he did but it was hell. By my senior year I could attend any school activities or go out anywhere and I quit playing all sports. He threatened to kill me and would tell me he’s always watching. He would literally be in his car parked in front of the school or outside my practice. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and all my friends thought it was funny. Once he broke into the school and vandalized all the hallways saying that he loved me. I got called into the office and had to explain to them I didn’t even know him. Thats the first time the cops were called but they told me they couldn’t do anything unless he physically hurt me. There’s a lot more to the stalking. He would constantly call me from multiple numbers. He’d even go to jail and still call me.

I started at my university at 18 but quit a year later because any guy that would approach me for a date would terrify me. I can’t explain the feeling because it was only that year in school. My stomach would curl up and I would either want to cry or I would get unnecessarily rude. I hated myself so I left. Then I worked and saved up about 10k while doing my basics at a community college. I then moved about 4 hrs away to start a new university. My dad got really sick so I took him home. I worked EXTREMELY hard figuring out how to get insurance for him but he needed help immediately and all my savings plus more went to his medically bills. It was one of the toughest things working, being home to make sure my dad ate and took meds, and class. I got no sleep. He got better and moved back to my hometown but I was left with debt and my last semester my gap was low. Because of my low gpa my next semester of school I have to pay out of pocket. Thats when I tried saving again but overtime something would happen and swipe me clean. The last one was the scammer and thats when I moved out of state.

My parents are still together and still in my life. They’re the closest family I have. But they’re not very supportive or go getters. My mom paid for the abortion and has literally never spoke of it again or asked me how I was. We don’t discuss our feelings. I’ve tried to bring up how my dad treated me when I was younger and she denies it.

I’m not sure if there’s a support group where I’m at but I’m sure there is. I live close to a big city now compared to the last town that was pretty small.

No my parents don’t have a lot of money. My mom works a lot and my dad can’t work. They’re not go getters either. Thats why I had to finally get my dad and make him go to the doctor. He had gotten down to 110Ibs and wasn’t even strong enough to peel a banana. I wasn’t reimbursed and I’m unsure If they wouldn’t done so. I barely knew what I was doing trying to deal with insurance. It took almost 8 months dealing with it before he was in and actually seen by someone that specializes in his problem. To make things worse, when trump won my dad was too scared to continue with the insurance because he thought he’d be deported. Even though he’s been a legal resident for about 30 years and I had just renewed his green card. He still threw a fit. He can be really crazy and paranoid at times. Now he’s getting sick again and has no insurance. Somehow it’s my fault because I should’ve helped him become a citizen or had gotten him on disability by now. My dad isn’t very vocal about being thankful towards me. I know that they would help me financially if they could.