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Losing a Pet

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  • December 22, 2020 at 12:27 pm #371493
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    Welcome back, good to read from you again. I am sorry that you lost Kitty.

    Nugget, a herder/ terrier mix, is close to 12 years old at this point. You shared about him in October 2015, having been “a fear based biter”, and getting into a chicken coop trouble. It is heart-warming to read how the former biter licked Kitty’s ears the day you decided to move Kitty into your home.

    Guilt feelings over pets dying is very common, There is a book called When your pet dies: A guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing, by Alan D. Wolfelt- a guide to pet owners who are struggling with grief when their pet dies, addressing the guilt feelings unique to losing a pet.

    There is also a website, healing pet loss. com (no spaces)- it talks about guilt, self-blame and regret feelings so common to pet owners when losing a pet-  I recommend you check this website out.

    I am glad that posting this made you feel better and I hope you post again, anytime you feel like. I will be glad to read from you and reply.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by .
    December 22, 2020 at 1:17 pm #371497
    Katie
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your message and recommendations. I visited the website briefly and really liked reading this: “The bond between you and your pet is unbroken, for love goes beyond the physical. Recognize this…” I think I am just struck by the intense emotions I am feeling about his death now, a whole year later. Maybe it’s that milestone that is bringing some of the feelings up for me.

    And you are spot on about Nugget nearing 12 years old! Their relationship really was adorable and wonderful to watch and honestly probably helped me love Nugget more, just seeing how he was with Kitty.

    Thanks and take care,

    Katie

    December 22, 2020 at 1:25 pm #371499
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    You are welcome. It is amazing, isn’t it- the bond we form with others, humans or pets, it can be so strong, so strong we never want to let it go. The pain of losing a strong bond with another can be excruciating. Like I suggested, anytime you want to share more about anything at all, please do. I hope that you feel better soon.

    anita

    December 22, 2020 at 1:35 pm #371500
    Katie
    Participant

    Thank you Anita! I appreciate your presence here. It really is amazing how strong of bonds we can form. I need to be grateful for the time I had with him and not keep replaying the bad end times in my head. I know he’s at peace now and that he was cared for and loved in his last years and I was so lucky he found me when he did! ❤

    December 22, 2020 at 2:04 pm #371502
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    You are welcome and thank you. Yes, we need to be grateful for the time we have with those we bond with, those we can trust to respond to us positively every time we see them- that’s what makes pets so special: we can trust them to be the same when we leave them and when we come back to them, wag their tail or cuddle with us every time.

    anita

     

    December 23, 2020 at 5:03 am #371534
    Katie
    Participant

    Oh you are absolutely right, Anita! I hadn’t thought of it like that before…that they are so consistently loving and there for us. Really special.

    December 23, 2020 at 8:20 am #371541
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    This is why many people prefer the company of pets over the company of people: pets are “consistently loving”- people.. some are, but so many are not consistent, some are disturbingly inconsistent.

    anita

    December 23, 2020 at 8:31 am #371542
    Katie
    Participant

    Totally right, Anita. I have some experience with that (inconsistent people) as I’m sure we all do. Difficult to deal with, for sure. And takes a long time to realize that it’s not you that’s responsible for their inconsistency. I am still working on this. That is a pretty insightful distinction about pets vs. people, I like it.

    December 23, 2020 at 9:05 am #371544
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    I too have experience with inconsistent people, particularly my own mother. After (however many times) that she directed her anger at me so badly..  no matter how nice she was in between those explosions, no matter the expensive gifts she bought me, delicious food she cooked for me.. nothing made me feel okay anymore, I was too scared of the next time she gets angry.

    Hunter the beagle, our neighbors’ dog who has been visiting us daily for years, he always wags his tail when he is here, even though he is an anxious dog. Sometimes he is more anxious than other times, more impatient.. sometimes he barks a lot.. but he always wags his tail,  never expresses any  aggression against me.

    anita

    December 23, 2020 at 9:23 am #371551
    Katie
    Participant

    Aww sweet Hunter, kind of sounds like Nugget – not a perfect dog, a little anxious and barks a lot but always loves me. <3 I’m glad you get those daily visits! Sounds precious.

    I’m sorry to hear about your mother. That is a tough relationship to be inconsistent. But understandable that the kindness between explosions would no longer cut it. Can you sit calmly by a nice and innocent looking package of any sort knowing there is a bomb inside that could go off at any second? Interesting… I can relate some to what you wrote about your mom. You may know from some of my previous posts that she hasn’t been the most consistent person either. I would never say it’s abusive but I have had to create some distance between us at times so as not to allow myself to get sucked into her bad mood/emotional-ness. As I’ve gotten older it’s been better. As a teenager we would get into huge fights because I just wanted her to see and admit how her emotional instability and choices made things hard for me but she never could and would only get more and more mad. So I just allow her to be how she is. And *try* to not let myself get emotionally wrapped up in that. Not easy a lot of times.

    Anyway! I’m sorry for what will seem like my own inconsistency – I’m about to be off work till after the New Year and will be pretty much unplugged during that time. Don’t feel like I can adequately respond here from my phone and I don’t have a laptop at home. I wish you and those you love very Happy Holidays, Anita!!

    December 23, 2020 at 9:41 am #371554
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    Yes, Hunter is not a perfect dog, neither am I a perfect person, none of us is perfect, of course. When as a teenager, you wanted your mother “to see and admit how her emotional instability and choices made things hard” for you- you wanted her to see the Reality of your childhood with her, so to connect with her and have a close relationship with her. By denying the reality of your childhood experience with her- she made a close relationship impossible.

    I wish you a pleasant Christmas and a Happy New Year and thank you for your wishes for me!

    anita

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