Firstly, some opinionated opinion from the priceless pages of my asshat opinions: you don’t need to be some dude’s dirty little secret. You were right not to put up with that bullshit. You done right, girl.

Secondly. You seem to have a good handle on the things that aren’t helping you. You mention your limited social life twice. You mention the thinking and more thinking. You’re struggling with anxiety and depression, and you’re scared, and that’s very understandable. This is scary stuff.

So helpful things might be the opposites of the things you mention. Expanding your social life. Spending less time thinking over your situation. Being courageous. These things are not easy. I had a very small social circle, tried different things to make more friends, and it took me years to finally make it work (but I did). And there wasn’t a magic formula, I just did the things they tell you to do: get out there, take classes, join the local theatre group, volunteer, yadda yadda, you know the drill. And it’s so, so hard, especially if you’re also up against your own anxiety. But in the end I did find my people, and I made some friends, and it got easier.

Keep pushing, but not so hard that it’ll exhaust you. Make sure you’re comfortable, and just lean into it a little. Step by step expand your sense of what you are capable of, and the kind of person you are. I used to give myself little gold stars if I managed to make small talk with someone I didn’t know well (yep, really). Now I can casually flirt with people. And there’s nothing I can point to to say: there, that’s what changed. I just tried as best I could.

All my best wishes.