Carly,

I’m not going to tell you what to do to move on. I’m not going to tell you to get over him and that you can do so much better. You asked for help on how to handle emotions, and I’ll help you there.

My ex and I have a different story, but at the end of the day we are totally in love and best friends. However, we will never be able to be together due to some unfortunate circumstances.

Anyways, it’s been over a year and I’m still dealing with those emotions. Not as strong as when the break up happened, but they’re still there. When we broke up, I hit rock bottom. I was suicidal, failing classes, losing friends, etc. Just completely depressed. I didn’t do things for myself. I felt anger, sadness, regret, guilt, hurt, and confusion. I still occasionally feel that way. However, it is not as strong as before.

Let yourself grieve. Cry your eyes out every time you need to. Write down your feelings and then burn them. Each time you do that, it’s just a release. Focus on you. I’m sure you’ve heard that, but I’m not saying it in an annoying way. One of the good things I did after my break up, was I lost 20 pounds. I was originally 115 when my ex and I started dating. The day we broke up, I was 138. Now I’m 118. I did focus on working out and eating healthy. Every time I stop taking care of myself, I begin to fester about the situation.

Every time I focus on myself by doing positive things, I’m a lot better. That doesn’t prevent me from thinking about him and stop loving him. I love him very dearly, and I think about him almost everyday. I’m not guilty for any wrong doing in my relationship besides my depression interfering. Other than that, I was a great girlfriend. I did however, carry the guilt that I wasn’t supportive enough for him. He didn’t want my support through his drinking and drug days. The more I was there, the more I pushed him away. After a while, I realized my presence wasn’t helping, it was only hurting. Now, even though we cannot be together, he tells me all the time how much he regrets letting me go. Every time he needed me, he did reach out to me.

My point is, sometimes the only way for a person to get better, is by “losing” someone very important to them. I do not mean actually losing you, but your presence isn’t helping him right now. If he wants space to work on himself, he wants space. Give him that. What stopped me from feeling so guilty is when I realized how much I was truly helping him by not being around. He had to work on himself and grow on his own. Unfortunately, through his alcohol and drugs phase, he ended up impregnating another woman who he is not happy with. If this wasn’t the situation, I think we would get back together. I have grown so much from this, and so has he. You giving him his space will help him figure himself out. This will help you figure yourself out.

Keep the door open. If he contacts you, contact him back! Don’t reach out to him if he doesn’t want you to. However, I’m not saying wait around for him and stop your life. Continue to move forward (I like saying moving forward rather than moving on). Eventually, he will have to open the door again, and if he doesn’t you will have to start going on dates. Right now, he patient. Check in on him maybe once a month. Let him come to you. Cry as much as you need. Understand that right now you are grieving. It is natural to feel guilt, anger, sadness, etc. Do things that make you happy so you don’t have to constantly think about things. I definitely recommend therapy!

Good luck!