Home→Forums→Relationships→Long Distance Relationship
- This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 5 months ago by DLMinMinnesota.
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July 7, 2013 at 6:41 am #38099PhilParticipant
Good Morning!
So I would love to start learning from others who have had a long distance relationship. I would have never thought in a million years I would attempt this. But I am in love with a woman who has 2 small kids and we are countries apart. In the past 5 months we have been together 5 times and we text and talk and Skype. But I just like to start hearing the good and the bad and suggestions. How can you really build a good emotional connection so far away and her time is so consumed. I have more free time so I am really trying maybe too hard and do not relax enough. Okay I will shut up and let this topic start flowing…Thanks!Phil
July 7, 2013 at 9:06 pm #38146Sapnap3ParticipantPhil
I can only wish you all the luck in the world on the long distant thing. I just had my heart broken by a guy from Italy. A year and half…more than 10 times back and forth trips…promises and than a broken heart. I did have a lot warning signs that i ignored.he had a 5 year relationship with someone else long distance and it also ended badly. I thought I was special or the one but it turns out those were all empty words to keep me around till he finds what he wants.
This all said… I am a true believer in trying and not regretting to never had tried. Go for it if you think it will keep u wondering if you don’t. Don’t ever wonder…what if…put yourself out there and if its meant to be…it will happen. Not everyone is a heartless bastard!July 7, 2013 at 10:29 pm #38150DanielParticipantLDR’s can be very rewarding, or very hurtful. The emotional input you put in the relationship is way higher than when you’re together everyday. There’s no body language, which is proven to be around 60% of our communication. Words are all you have for the time being. That’s going to take some emotional stress you both have to go through and deal with. You HAVE to understand what that lack of basic communication does to each other.
You also have to cope with the time apart and to cherish time spent together. You have to build from those short(ish) expierences, because again that’s all you have.Also, understand that an LDR provides an additional stress on the relationship; what are we going to do to be together forever? Emigration is a long(think years) and tedious progress, with countless months of waiting for the rights papers and documentation. Depending on which country you’re both from there are additional difficulties that’ll make it harder for either of you to move. And all the while you can only say ‘I love you’ on Skype so much without it being too painful to bear.
It’s a shitload of emotional and real life investment you’re about to embark on. Sure, once you see each other on the airport again your heart beats twice as fast and you feel alive again. But the imminent future for you two also needs consideration. Is that stressful path worth the journey? Can you wholeheartedly answer that question ‘YES!’? Than I say go for it.
If not, than I say calm yourself and be your own interviewer.
July 9, 2013 at 6:49 pm #38309JoParticipantHi Phil,
I have had experience of LDR’s both good, bad and heartbreaking. The only thought coming to me that I feel is valid to you is that if it is meant to be it will work out. Be careful that the relationship remains a reality. A constant flow of communication is vital otherwise your imagination will begin to begin to fill in the gaps. There are so many needs that will not be met, there is so much of your life during which you will feel lonely and sad but when you are together it will be magical. Only, very quickly followed by the inevitable heartache of saying goodbye again. In my opinion the distance must be temporary.
I wish you luck and happiness
JoJuly 10, 2013 at 4:44 pm #38366PeacefrogParticipantHello Other LDR Goers,
Although my experience is not overseas, I have been in LDR for the last 14 months with an incredible man. We are lucky to see each other about once a month no more than 5-6 weeks in between. He was just here this last weekend and we had an incredible time together- always do! However, saying ta ta for now is not easy. My advice is to have another visit scheduled before the end of the current one, if and when possible. Having another visit to look forward to goes a very long way. Some other things my sweet beau and I do long distance are: read the same book, read out loud on the phone, watch TV/movies at the same time. Of course we email, text, Tango and talk nonstop on the phone. We set up time to stretch together and I would like to start meditating. I do long distance Reiki on him and I find that to be fulfilling. I really love sending him love letters/cards in the mail (kind of old fashion). If it weren’t for technology though, I would never attempt a LDR. My man read me an article last night about soul mates, stating in this day of age, we no longer need a husband/wife in order to survive (income, security, etc) because we are all much more independent. Thus we are not looking for husband/wife we are looking for a soul mate to meet our emotional and sexual needs. This is so very hard to accomplish over the phone, but when you love someone and believe in the relationship sacrifices are made. I have a lot more to say on the topic, but I must get back to work. Stay focused, stay faithful and use your words to meet those needs that body language typically does for you. Get creative and always let that person know how very special they are. Maybe I’ll write more later.
Kind Regards,
PeacefrogJuly 15, 2013 at 9:53 am #38653Nicole1971ParticipantI’m in a long distance relationship now for four years. I find the distance and the time apart difficult because there doesn’t seem to be any real partnership. He is making me feel that I have to make all the travel arrangements and pay for everything. Its making me feel depressed.
July 15, 2013 at 1:40 pm #38659Fe MartinParticipantI’m not even sure. I just broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks and we were in a long distance relationship.
July 18, 2013 at 1:00 pm #38855DLMinMinnesotaParticipantI have been dating a man that lives just an hour away from me. This sounds like nothing compared to some of your stories, but the distance is still there. I am very fortunate that we see each other every other weekend and at least one weeknight for dinner. I have a school age child and his are much older. So I start to think down the road about us being together long term and the distance worries me. I guess I should feel fortunate for only an hours drive, but it still makes it hard. It would be so nice to have him close and we could see each more often. But I guess we all deal with that in a LDR. He is a truly wonderful man and I am very happy with him. I have learned that open communication and honesty is what helps the most.
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