Hello,

I’m struggling within myself about what to do and thought to turn here to hear opinions other than those of my family. I was living in the UK about 5 years ago, in my early 30s, when I met someone at work. We were together for about 6 months when I returned unexpectedly due to unforeseen circumstances to Canada where I started a new job and had to start over again. We tried to keep it going, but after a couple of months I ended things, although I really liked this guy, there was no easy solution to the long distance situation and I wasn’t ready to get married.

A couple years later we got back together again because the feelings hadn’t changed. A few months went by and when he came to Canada to visit, we got engaged and were very excited about the future, which meant that he would come to Canada. My family was not too excited about the long distance situation and were not happy about the engagement. They were also concerned that he didn’t have a profession and a high income, although he was still working where we met at a museum and supports himself.

A few months later, I was off work struggling with my bipolar disorder, trying to find the right medication. I was at a very low point in my life. At around the same time, my fiance’s mother died unexpectedly, and he was in a really low place too. After a few more months, I couldn’t cope with the situation any more with both of us in deep depressions and ended things about 2-2.5 years ago.

Ever since then, I’ve tried to move on with my life. My health now is excellent and I have been back to work without problems for over a year. I have gone on dates with various people which didn’t amount to much. I recently went on a couple of dates with someone who looked perfect on paper, an engineer, doing interesting and exciting things, financially secure, etc… but I wasn’t feeling it. Truthfully, even though it has been so long, I’m still missing my ex-fiance very much. Our relationship ended both times not because our love and feelings changed, but of circumstance.

Now I’m approaching my late 30s and I’m trying to figure out what to do. I want to reach out to my ex and see if he still is interested in getting back together again. I totally understand if he doesn’t trust me any longer because I am the one who ended things, twice, not him. I know he understands that when I ended our engagement I was in a very low place and I didn’t have anything to give, and he was in the same boat, so there are no hard feelings.

My job is reasonably secure and I am ready to get married. I know that if I want to have children, I need to do that soon. I have been working to get out of debt and I should mostly be clear in about a year’s time. I would be happy to marry this man and bring him to Canada, although I know that is a difficult process and would probably take 2-3 years to do (I’m no expert on immigration). I know we wouldn’t be rich but we would be happy. He respects me and is very thoughtful and loving.

My family really doesn’t like the idea of me getting back together with him for the reasons above. I could let go with time if he didn’t want to pursue this relationship any more, but I would really like to see if it could work this time. Am I dreaming? Should I listen to my family and find someone else? Or should I go to to the UK to visit in person and see whether there is anything left to explore?

Thanks for reading!

• This topic was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by mauvesky.