Soo I’m back again on this forum… I am having a tough week so I wanted to ask people for advice.
1) coping with all the suffering in the world – this week has been one of those weeks where I just cry and cry for other people and the Earth (because we’re wrecking nature).. It’s like all the sadness and suffering in the world is in one big cloud over everything I do. It’s always there in my head and so when I’m vulnerable I will just cry for hours about all the terrible things going on. It gets kinda freaky because I imagine things in a lot of detail like car crashes, wars, disasters… I say imagine but it’s kind of involuntary yet I know it’s only in my head (it’s not a hallucination). On wednesday evening I was really sad and the picture of a plane crashing came into my head. I was curled up on the sofa sobbing and shaking as I pictured the people on the plane so full of terror and then their relatives finding out what had happened. the weird thing is that I didn’t know about the transAsia plane until saturday …(because I avoid the news when I am in these moods. It would make me even worse). it’s like I am literally connected to all this suffering and sadness. I need to learn how to stop being overwhelmed by it. How do other people find hope to deal with these things? I have read a bit about Buddhism and mindfulness lately. the idea of accepting suffering as a fact of life seems reasonable but I find it so hard to do that…

2) I am recalling a lot of painful memories lately which is really difficult. a big one is that two years ago my mum told me she wanted to kill herself. We were talking on the phone and she hung up after saying that. the next few hours were horrible because I didn’t have contact with her but she came home safe. the thing is she pretends it never happened. I have only recalled it lately because I think I blocked it out being so painful a memory. I’m very scared that she still feels this way. she is very volatile and I don’t trust her happy moods. I think there is always anger and sadness underneath. It’s hard to love her because she is very demanding of me. she often makes her happiness my responsibility. and I am a bad daughter ungrateful/cold/demanding/selfish etc etc if I can’t meet her needs. I am very anxious about her being angry or suicidal again. (I am currently at uni but I go home every few months)

3) I am very lonely also. I just worked out that I only spoke to people for like two hours if that in the past week. And that wasn’t even fulfilling conversation some of that was uni work. I talk to myself a lot so feel like I am going crazy 🙁 and I project onto other people SO much – like I miss my counsellor real bad but that’s just because she was the only person I spoke to at a deeper level in months. And I think that if I do start to make friends I will become super attached and vulnerable…. I don’t know what to do really. I am very anxious socially yet need human connection

so yeah that’s me right now …