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Loneliness as a blessing

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  • November 6, 2016 at 6:11 am #119744
    Faye
    Participant

    Hi little poppy, thanks for the post!

    It’s incredibly brave to admit loneliness, and even more so to see it as a positive.

    I think loneliness is a state of mind and nothing external can change it, this is both a positive and negative! Like you, I tried to distract myself with unhealthy relationships and constantly ask what was wrong with me when they didn’t have time for me or gave me the affection I crave. I’m now realising those feelings are because other people can’t relieve the pain of loneliness, and nor should they, it’s our responsibility to own our feelings.

    May I ask what are you doing to rediscover who you really are? And to find your own identity again?

    November 6, 2016 at 8:57 am #119756
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear littlepoppy:

    I like your turning point, following a friend’s advice: “Until I felt deep down something was wrong. I heard that voice shouting “THIS ISN’T YOU!!”.

    And I like very much your aim: “To be just me.”

    The advice to “just sign up on tinder” is about you feeling better as quickly as possible. That could succeed, maybe, temporarily, followed by a lot more of the same distress or worse.

    When you took a moment and did not react automatically by taking the advice and following it, you made a huge step toward being-just-you, which is your goal. You took a moment to EVALUATE the advice and see if it fits who you are. And so, for your aim, keep evaluating what people say (in person or via marketing, such as on TV, advertisements, shows…) before automatically taking it in as the truth.

    Have information evaluated, let it pass slowly through your brain, your reasoning, your understanding, your feelings. Practice it every day and you will be moving forward to being… you.

    anita

    November 6, 2016 at 10:52 am #119765
    LittlePoppy
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply and advice Anita. Yes, this constant evaluation will allow me to make progress in knowing who I am and what I want. It can be difficult though when the people around you are different and don’t really try to understand you and when we are so constantly bombarded with images of what our life should be like.

    Faye, I think you’re really making a point when you say that loneliness is a state of mind and does not necessarily depends on external circumstances. Even when I was younger I was not surrounded with many people. Yet, I had so many interests and hobbies that I was actually more than happy to be by myself and focus on those. But after some episodes of anxiety/depression, I started losing my interests and stopped those activities. So to figure out who I am now, I’m trying to do these things again and get back to my old passions. I try to figure out what my dreams are, what I really want to achieve, what are the things I have always wanted to do but I have never tried before because I had no time or I was scared. I try new things also to discover new passions and keep challenging myself. I think it is very important to reconnect with our body and emotions too. Because no matter how much you try to fool yourself, your body will always send you signals that you’re going against your nature. I am hoping that meditation, being more mindful and giving myself some space and time will help me identify those signals and find my own path. And I’m trying to reduce the amount of time I spend on social media. I know it contributes to making me feel bad to see everybody exposing their life and it makes me crave for things I would not even care about if I wasn’t seeing them.

    I don’t really have a method to be fair, I know that figuring out who I am and accepting me as I am is going to be a slow and difficult process. But I feel it is important to be at peace and be satisfied to know what works for me and what doesn’t. And hopefully, this will allow me to gain more confidence and build more meaningful relationships in the future.

    What about you, have you found a way to overcome the feeling of loneliness? And avoid unhealthy relationships?

    November 7, 2016 at 4:38 am #119815
    Faye
    Participant

    High five for social media outage! I’ve been off Facebook for about 3 years and its great. Yes I do miss the social interaction sometimes, but it’s great to focus on my own world, no one else’s. Comparing yourself to others is a big cause of unhappiness and I think.

    I’ve been working towards a professional qualification, and volunteering to build my self esteem. My next step is to get back into a sports team (I quit a few years ago due to anxiety & depression).

    I suppose loneliness is part of the cycle of life, it will continually come and go but it’s knowing that those feelings won’t last forever, maybe this is the key to coping rather than aiming for an unachievable goal of never feeling lonely again.

    Getting a bit deep here sorry!

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