Hello all,

I feel like most posts are aimed towards those who are trying to move past events, however, I’m still in a situation that is taking a toll on me. My family is very dysfunctional. It has always been. My mother and siblings were abused both physically and emotionally. I still have a lot of symptoms which feel like PTSD (e.g. jumpy, anxious, re-living trauma). When my sibling was very young, he was abused so badly that blood was shed. I had to PHYSICALLY deal with the blood after seeing him get hurt. The physical abuse ended, but the verbal abuse continues. I live on eggshells to not make my dad angry.

I moved away to live on my own in college. There, I saw the world and met many wonderful people. I also had two unstable interpersonal relationships. I was manipulative, jealous, and controlling towards my partners. I learned that I was completely attached or detached in relationships, there was no in between. I also seem to attract partners who are emotionally unavailable, lack empathy, and don’t show affection much like my parents. My parents treat others based on their own mood swings. If you please them, then they will remain normal and calm. If you say no, they will begin verbally abusing or act out like a child does and throw out guilt trips. A close friend of mine is also very toxic. We seemed to have bonded on “ego trips”, objectifying other people, and gossip as well as connecting on our broken past.Since I began healing, I have let go of her in order to find myself and become more independent.

I went through a break up in which my partner was emotionally unavailable and didn’t share anything about himself. I’m beginning to believe there was nothing for him to share. He has a dysfunctional family as well, which left him closed off. In the relationship, we were co-dependents, completely spending all our time together. When the relationship ended, I found myself completely insecure, lacking self-sufficiency/boundaries/self-respect, emotionally dependent on others for validation/ happiness, being the people pleaser, and lacking self confidence.

I began to meditate and spend time alone. I was getting much better. I came home and got busy, but everything my family does is starting to get to me. It’s always loud because someone is arguing. Nobody can get a long. My mother leaves me to be responsible for everything she needs and won’t ask my brothers to do anything. I was out with my mother completely aloof and she accused me of “attracting men” by being in a romantic mood. What does that even mean? She will accuse me of things like this often and it’s very hurtful to me. There are terrible things that I have done for my mother because I felt so helpless and saying “no” wasn’t an option. One of my siblings is using threats to do something work related which is fraudulent. That is fraud and goes against my values. I told my mother and her way of dealing with it, the non-violent way, was to leave the house. I was forced to spend the day outside so a fight wouldn’t erupt. Eventually, he will return and ask me to do it again. I was just going to tell him I didn’t want to be involved.

There are only a few weeks until I return to school and then I won’t be coming home for a long time. What can I do to live with this now? Talking to them is not an option. They are very hard headed and will not give another person a chance to speak. Anything I say will be deflected back to me. My academics have suffered, I’m on anti-depressants and in counseling. It’s hard to deal with anything when I can’t escape the situation. I don’t want to play the victim like I’ve learned from my mother, that’s not who I want to be. What can I do?