>I find myself in a really mentally stressful time right now and it has been causing me a lot of depression…
I have been in 3 relationships back to back over the past 5 years. The first guy was practically my dream guy on paper. He had all the qualities I wanted in someone mentally and physically and I fell so deeply in love with him only for him to leave after a little over a year together. I never expected us to break up, but it happened and I never got completely over him. Even still to this day I think of him and imagine us meeting again in the future and falling back in love…

About two months after we broke up I met someone new. This guy was different but yet in ways the same. He was a rebound but he definitely left a huge mark on me as a person. For the first half of our time together I couldn’t stop thinking of the guy before him, but it faded more the longer we stayed together and eventually he was the one I wanted a future with. He’s a very difficult person to be with. He has borderline personality disorder, he’s a former drug addict, he was always mentally unstable but I always thought I could help him. He was a fun guy. We did everything together, so many concerts, going to the city all the time, out to dinner, going to museums, parties, the beach, he’s a very on the go exciting person. He is so funny, I still think about jokes we shared together and can’t help but laugh. He’s smart and cocky and I really liked that about him because I’m a bit ditzy, he helped me out a lot with life shit that I didn’t completely understand. Anyway, after 2 unstable but exciting years together (he broke up with me 2 times in those 2 years but for very short periods) he left me for another girl and moved right in with her and I found out that he was cheating on me on and off pretty much through out our whole relationship. I was so angry and hurt and disgusted.

Then not even two weeks later I met my current boyfriend. I know I jumped so fast but in the time I met him I was in your typical “fuck him he cheated I hate him” type of mood so I thought I was ready and over it. My current bf is sweet and caring and supportive. He wants me to be happy, he tries hard to be good to me and make me happy.. he lived in a really bad situation so I told him to move in with me (states away)… he moved in with me a few months after being together. I gotta tell you at first with this current guy I was head of heels falling for him, but something within me changed…

In the past month that my boyfriend moved in BOTH of my former ex’s reached out to me on messenger. The first guy who I thought was my dream guy told me that he always has had love for me and never stopped thinking about me and knows if we were to see each other again he would want to start right back up where he left off, I told him I’ve always felt the same about him but he has a baby now and we both know that he needs to focus on his child and that I don’t think I would be able to be with him when he has a baby with the girl right after me, at least not now.

Then the other guy messaged me… Now let me remind you that he lives with the girl he cheated on me with… he told me that he thinks about me everyday and he feels very depressed for all he’s done to me and that he never wants to cheat again or be a bad person because his whole life he’s felt like a piece of shit and he doesn’t want to feel that way anymore. He told me he loves me still and that he has this dream that one day we meet again and I welcome him back into my arms and we start fresh together.. he told me that he knows I probably won’t allow myself to be vulnerable to him again but if we could at least be friends.. I told him that being friends or anything right now just wouldn’t work for me…

but let me tell you all, I miss him so much. He’s been a constant thought of mine every single day since my bf moved in. I’ve become distant to my current bf because of this and he doesn’t even know why. I’ve become so depressed and confused. I dream of him multiple nights a week. It’s becoming very overwhelming. I miss how exciting things were when we hung out, always going places together and having fun and the way we would laugh and have so many insiders together, I really miss spending time with him. My current bf just isn’t as funny or exciting, and on top of that the car we have is broken down so we haven’t been able to really go anywhere together, we just work and then hangout at home which becomes so boring. I miss being with someone who shared the same passion for music as me. My current boyfriend loves music but movies is his main passion…

i just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so trapped. We live together now but yet I have doubts of being with him and can’t get my damn ex out of my head!!! I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend, I want things to work between us. I know I shouldn’t ever get back with my ex but it’s so hard to think that I’ll never hangout with him again cause he was my best friend for two years… I feel like shit, I feel so bad and guilty… I just need advice.