The shortest version I can give is that I’m living with my husband while we go through a divorce because of money mostly. I cheated 3 years ago, it was a brief affair and he found out independently. He wanted to leave but I asked him to stay. He said he would stay but would never be able to forgive me. I didn’t listen, all I did was rationalize that he was angry and that our love would be able to heal the wound. People do recover from such betrayals but they have to both want it, maybe even from the start. I did all I could. I gave up friends and family, gave up spending any time outside the house, I even gave up having a phone for 8 months just to try and prove that he could trust me. I gave him all that I could and the situation actually began to be abusive but I thought I was deserving of that and willingly believed if I just paid my dues….
Fast forward to September when I discovered he had been on a dating website, not through coercive methods but because he was sitting right next to me with the app open. For a bit he maintained that it was just for friendships admitted later to wanting more. When I asked him to stop he said I was a hypocrite. I had an affair so he was within his rights to do the same. Now we are waiting for tax returns to come in so that he can find his own space. What I have the most trouble with is him being with other woman while still here. In a large way it clearly is none of my business what he does. But it hurts like hell. He has agreed not to date when he’s here but I think that’s a lie. His phone never leaves his hand.
Does anyone have any good tips on dealing with the jealousy? Or maybe not even getting there in the first place? There was a time when I would plead with him or try to let him see my side…but I don’t anymore. It’s just a bit longer that I have to deal.