Hello There.

This is my first ever post anywhere but I have seen how this community on Tiny Buddha really has a very beautiful way of assisting those who are struggling and decided that maybe just getting this out of my mind and into a collective of gentle souls would assist me.

I am a mother and a partner to a man of incredible patience and love. we have been together for 11 years and obviously, like most relationships, it hasn’t been easy but we are both dedicated to growth and connecting to our spiritual side. I have always felt that sometimes our compatibility level has made the relationship difficult as we are very much different on the emotional level. Where he is easygoing and has a stable base level, I have pretty intense and deep emotions. Moon in Scorpio over here if that helps lol.

In 2019 I went shopping as I normally do. my child has been in this world with us for about just over a year and I would normally go shopping on my own as a means to have some alone time. This shop is basically the only one in close proximity to us where we get all that we need. Anyway, one day I went for shopping and I saw a man working there. And I immediately felt a form of recognition. Which is something I have never experienced. I didn’t give too much though and when I left that shop i was just a tad in awe and felt that i finally understood what people meant when they say ” you have soul recognition”. I went for my shopping every week or so and always felt excited just to see him but indifferent if I didn’t. I didn’t think there was any harm as i never intended to talk to him. It was never an obsession. It was like this till 2021 when myself and my partner were going through a very difficult time and were contemplating breaking up. We decided to use the law of attraction and get out of our current environment to try and save our relationship. I was feeling all high from positive affirmation and meditation and that day while feeling all high on life, I needed to go buy things. Before going in I told myself consciously to really not even notice that person and just go on with my things and focus on saving my relationship. And that day of all days he decided to approach me. And i seriously freaked out and left, He didn’t even get to say one word cause I acted if i didn’t see him and just pretty much walked/semi-run out of there. I told my partner that night about it and also told him that i feel a pull toward that dude. I did a prayer and meditation for that guy, cause i knew i hurt that person by just flat-out ignoring him. then my dreams started. I had a dream 2 days afterwards about him in my dream telling me his name, also in my dream he manifested the one thing i was busy manifesting in the current reality.I woke up feeling a tad shocked and confused about this dream and when i went to give the animals food, I found a dead blind snake in a knot. which also makes the infinity symbol. Now this snake in a Knot and snake infinity sign followed me around even my partner mentioned it. I had more dreams that followed about him being my twin and how we had very much the same type of parent dynamics but the roles of our parents were reversed. I had premonition dreams about him and also I know exactly when i will see him because  I really feel it. Now I just want to say i have heard about twin flames and thought the whole concept is toxic. But after these things happened that’s all I could label this because i didn’t know what was happening. I felt insane, I felt love, I felt grief regret ashamed. and i felt like the most horrible partner and person. My partner does know about the dreams and feelings as I became obsessed with a person i don’t even know. It is the most difficult experience. My partner went through this with me. I went for past life regression to find out wtf all of this was. that person couldn’t get me hypnotized (No one has ever been able to even tho i really wanted him and felt i did allow him) But he did tell me it’s a thought form. and basically that this is all in my head and that it leeched into my dreams too. Which caused me to have a massive breakdown and not be able to trust myself or my dreams. I came across limerance and that also made sense cause it mostly happens to women with kids in a long-term relationship. I’m just at a stage where i don’t know how to trust myself my dreams or my subconscious.  I feel lost and pain and still think about that person but am conscious of my thoughts. a part of me feels crushed. There is much more that happened but this post is getting too long.  I just want to know how to get back to myself and my life after this. any advice or similar experience would truly assist.  My whole world feels to have crumbled. Where i also feel my partner deserves someone who has the same amount of love for him as he does for me. Sorry if this is long or kinda esotetic in nature for some. I feel that i am aware that i might just be crazy proves I’m not 🙂 I never spoke to the other person as it has never worked out to do so. my anxiety around him is just to insane.

Thanks to anyone reading this and responding.

D