I read this post and I feel as though maybe I can’t give advice, but I can relate. I seem to have walked a similar road, but I am a little farther along down that road, now it being seven months since my boyfriend of over two years broke up with me, tearing me apart. We lived together, cooked pancakes together in our Brooklyn apartment, watched Netflix marathons on Sundays and it felt as if we had it all. We did.

The details of the breakup are ugly and maybe that’s why I can’t even talk about them. Long story short in one week I had to move out. Someone who told me that they would be there forever suddenly wanted nothing to do with me. He met me a few times over the summer (this happened in May)..told me that he had not given up on us, but he had not come to a decision yet. During this time I went through what you are now – should I contact him? Should I call him? If he called me, I would hang on every word he said. I wanted to reach out every second, but the fear of rejection was paralyzing. Eventually he called me shortly after labor day and said he never wants to look back. He never did. Not one phone call, not one email, not one text message.

I could not understand how he was able to not only flip a switch, but also turn his back on our bond. I would have given it a second shot based on our bond alone. I know he saw it differently, and he saw me differently, I guess. I had expectations too.

Our birthdays went by, and soon the holidays will come and I am so afraid of going through them without him by my side. I wonder every day if he has these same fears. It has been seven months. I am sitting here in my apartment, one of my own now, amongst my things, things that are mine and only mine because everything we shared had to go. I couldn’t look at it.

My advice to you is to try your best to be kind to yourself. If you want to hibernate and cry for a weekend, do it. Honor these emotions. It means you are honoring your relationship. You are not insecure, everyone has a choice, and she chose (for whatever reasons) to close you out of her life. This hurts. Bad. I know. On the bright side, you have a choice too. Don’t let someone who does so little for you control so much of you. At least, that is what I am going for…

good luck my friend.