Hi Rose Tattoo,

First of all – I feel your pain. I think the grand majority of the human population has been in your situation at one point or another and nobody would say it was easy or fun. It is agonizing. I know the sense of hopelessness. I know you feel like howling inside.

Several years ago, I went through a breakup with a man I was certain I would marry and, two days after the fact, a good friend of mine came over and literally dragged me out of my house. It was the first time I’d left since he and I split. She took me hiking and I cried all the way to the top of the mountain – which is a feat in the thin, Montana air at something like 10,000 ft elevation 😉 When I got to the top, I vividly remember looking out at the valley, all out of tears, and thinking very calmly, “I’m never going to get over this” and the hopelessness of that moment hit me like a truck. It felt 100% true. It felt like that was my new reality and that, every day for the rest of my life, I would have to live with that intense level of heartbreak.

Fortunately, we do move past these things. It just takes time. Sometimes it takes a lot of time. Three years later, I still get sad about that man occasionally. But the difference is that now I know how to take care of myself – and back then I didn’t. That experience taught me how. By far the most important thing you can do right now, dear one, is to treat yourself like you are breakable. Allow yourself to feel these things – allow yourself to cry and be sad – but also remind yourself that you are not alone in this and that you are only human. Reach out to the people you love – no they can’t fix it but they can witness your pain. Eventually, they can help pull you out of the bog. Cook yourself great food or go eat the things you love. I found positive Ted Talks and books like Clarissa Pinkola Este’s “Women Who Run With The Wolves” to be incredibly helpful. If it appeals to you, consider talking to a counselor, they can be fantastic sounding boards who will just compassionately witness your pain and help you move through it.

Above all, just remember that you are doing the best you can, at every single moment. You are brave and the fact that you are even thinking about how to let go from a place of love indicates that you are a huge-hearted and very strong person. It will take time, but you will heal. Be good to yourself, sweetheart.

-Ashley

Dear Rose Tatto, Such loving and wise words above – I offer you hugs and empathy. I think you sound incredibly wise and I so appreciate your wanting to let go with love – it was the title of your post that really got my attention. Such an honorable and compassionate endeavor. I know EXACTLY what you are trying to do and trying to get through. It just hurts like hell. But, you did the right thing listening to that voice inside you that said, this just isn’t right, it doesn’t fit. Rose, admitting that and acknowledging that inner voice doesn’t mean that love wasn’t, or isn’t still, present. You are mourning the loss of the potential, the dream, and embracing those beautiful memories. They will never die. But I think it is incredibly intuitive and brave of you to call it as you see it. Soldier on dear girl and remember that love is always a good thing. Breathe. Pray. Rest. Heal. Give yourself all the time you need. Consider that every moment you spend in a relationship that is not wholesome or healthy for you, is another moment in which you block a better, healthier relationship. Good things will come to you very soon.

Blessings to you.