Hello, lilacwine.

I’m used to many painful stings. I can’t change other people, or how they perceive me. But I can choose to change my perceptions of them, and not allow them to get to me. Sounds like you have a few jealous family members. At the end of the day, their jealousy isn’t your problem, even though they can try to make it your problem by bringing you down. Just don’t let them do it. You are happy with your life, and that can be very threatening and saddening to those who aren’t. Acknowledge that for what it is – not with a superior form of pity on them -but with compassion and hope that they’ll find joy, too.

Every time they cut you down, realize that’s their own pain talking. Some people are just hateful. Some people are oblivious to the impact of their so-called “humor” and overall hurtful behavior. This is a perpetual struggle in life. Just remain confident, communicative and self-loving. Who cares what others have accomplished by a certain age? Your life isn’t to be used as a base of comparison to anyone. You’re doing the best you can, following your dreams, and accomplishing your goals within your own time frame. That’s all that matters. :0)

I know it’s hard, but you can’t change them. All you can do is walk tall and keep your chin up, while remaining cognizant that they’re hurting, too. Happy people spread joy, and unhappy people don’t. You can choose to be joyful and lighthearted, and that’s a powerfully infectious decision. They can’t touch that, unless you let them.

Hope that helps, Hon. Good luck with your studies!

Hi Lilac

It is very difficult to shrug off comments that people make and especially from people that are close to you. As long as you believe that what you are studying is fulfilling to you and that you believe you can make a difference from it then you need to stick to your guns. Although most of us search for acceptance from our choices and want to get recognition and when we receive unkind and de-motivating comments we tend to wonder and doubt our choices but as long as what you believe is right and you really enjoy what you doing and it gives you purpose then who cares what other people think. nobody can live your life but you and as long as you are comfortable and happy then that is all that matters.

Warm Regards
Jacques

Dear Lilac,

Getting a PHD is not a joke. Please remember that. Its a very impressive achievement and you should keep telling yourself that. My family often doesnt understand my field of work either and i just ignore their comments as the banter of young children who have no idea what they are talking about. As for your siblings, clearly they are frustrated with their own lives and take it out on you. Its not a good thing but thats what it seems like to me. Your sister is frustrated with failing twice and in comparison to that, your PHD pisses her off even more. thats why she makes these mean and irrelevant comments. As for your cousin, this way of putting you down is her way of feeling “up”. Thats clearly a sign of low self-esteem. The only time we need to put down others is when we dont feel “enough” with what we have and need this kind of “high-five” moment for us. You know what i mean, right? Why should she sit down and analyze the nature of your work that much if she were really wrapped up in her life?

The only way you can allow these people to not get you down is to tell yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. You need to remain strong for your sake and have got so much left to do. Keep reminding yourself that you are on your own path and you must believe for your sake. When they gain some maturity and stability, they too will see the relevance of not hen-pecking others and focusing on improving their own situation.

You’re doing alright. Dont let these people bring you down 🙂

– Jess