dear anita,

no he is nt the same man i shared about in my previews threads,

as i wrote “.each time we broke up,when i commited to somone els and B came again after sometimes saying he loves me and etc”

he was someone else with whom i commited when B broke up but after somemonths B come agaiin as usual ,,,

dear anita u are right i should tell everything to my family but they already know these ,each time they were pressuring me ,i told them what he does .but they dont admit his fault because he is too nice to them,,

.regards drinking  we had fight and i ignored him   ( in our community DRINKING and DRUGS usage is too bad )  he sent me alcohol bottles that he ll drink bcz of me and i ignored this after 2 hours he started sending texting as he is drunk and using odd language , my another sis who is in my favor talked to all my family about his drinking ,but my eldest sis reply that her husband used to drink when he was young  there is no such problem in it and B is very nice according to them but suprisingly after 6 months he told me he never drunk ever ,then i was supprised that he was blackmailing me giving me tension only ..i got angry and said him” shame on you”by my saying this he become sad ..again start blackmailing me by taking fault on himself..

my supportive sis is my best friend i share everything with her ,i shared everything to her apart from physical contact which he did with me .i am scared to share about SEX .bcz its not acceptable in my culture before marraige…

i want to add here B convinced my family to let me study in ABROAD..BUT

i just regret about one thing that at the age of 15 my word” YES ” to him is a biggest mistake of my life .that wasnt my age of being in a relationship that was my time to enjoy my teenage 🙁

he thinks i am changed bcz i no more care the way i did …AND I am done with his blackmailing ,iam mo more scared of him

i want freedom i dont want to spend my life with my childish mistake any more ..i know he is very kind hearted ,very nice with others ,very helping but may b we are not for each other…

regards

xxx

hallo anita ,

i have cut all contacts with him no more in contact .but i am afraid that if i am making right decision.will i ever get someone who ll love me better then him although he is a abuser (emotionally ).

i am scared of loneliness…i was never single before after my 13 yr old,

why deep inside me ,i am afraid and scared ,if i am not having any lose by leaving him.is that normal ?

regards

hallo anita,

yah i m scared of being alone and yah u are right .i was alone in my childhood.i was always in search of my family and peoples attention . my mom loved me alot and people and my family were somehow jealous of that love.my every naughty behaviour was considered as misbehaving .

i felt as no body loves me .and sometime i wished to die in my child at age 7 to 10 while crying alone .there were many reason of that ,

1.i was youngest one in my family with 1 brother and 8 sisters .and i was consider as extra by my family apart from my dad and mom.i saw my mom she loved me more then other siblings .

2.my dad was fiancially very weak ,but he wanted us(me and my sistrs) to get education .but my mom’s cousins  and my aunties dint give any importance because of our fiancial situation .

i saw peoples behaviour with me and  with my other cousins of my age .there was always big difference.i was always so schocked that money  can make so much difference.

i dont remember well i was 9 or 11 when my dad was suffering from ALZEIHMER DISEASE .thats why i dont remmeber any good memories of my Dad .and he passed away when i was 17 – 18..

something  my childhood taught me,i know now how much it hurts to have a unloved childhood,where with ur every naughty act no one laugh but they will only scold u or beat u .

i have  nieces and nephews .some have good fianciall condition other doesnt but i always try to behave equally ,even sometime more polite with weaker one.because i dont want to give them same childhood like mine .

i just remember one thing of my dad he made me self independent .

.i see people who wish to go back into their CHildhood but i never want to go ..i love my present myself.i do study ,go for work to finance myself .dont want to have that childhood .

onething more i want to add here ,when i was 8 i was playing near my home ,i became a victim of a man.he wanted to rape me may be but he couldnt do that because he listened someone foot voice walking to that street where he was forcefullly trying to insert his fingers in my body part (Vag…a).and his second hand was on my mouth almost, also on my nose nostrills, i couldnt shout because of pain and it was also difficult for me to breath .i was weeping and escaped finally .i couldnt understnd that what was happening with me and why he did like that.i never said anyone in my family about what happend with me.

i reconize that person and my whole family also .but i never dared to speak .

at age 10 my aunty”s son he was 28 years old  scolded me and said dont come outside and stay inside house .i was scared and had to sit home .then i left going outside .he himself is characterless he used to purpose every girl even my sisters for marraige .he is still single .

i wrote here a week before but i cant find my post now .and i was waiting for reply..well leave that.sorry my english isnt that much good because i left using it.

regards

xxx