I can totally relate to your pain, RoseTattoo, I could almost have written your post myself. Back in April I split from a guy who had been a really important friend in my life. I behaved badly towards him (although that’s a matter of opinion, mostly his) and have really struggled to come to terms with the whole thing. The loss of the relationship, the damage to my sense of self and self respect, the grief have all been so painful and difficult. Now, at the distance of a few months, the bad days are getting less, the good days are better and more frequent, but still there’s a huge hole inside me that sometimes I feel nothing and no-one will ever fill. And it was only an internet friendship! I think that was the problem, because there was a false sense of intimacy, and never any mundane reality intruding to bring the relationship down to earth. Maybe it was the same for you if your relationship was conducted over long distance?

What I have learned is to focus on the here and now (mindfulness), to let myself off the hook and not beat myself up for what I did. I have learned things about myself, not all good, but in some ways that’s a worthwhile learning experience too. One thing I have learned is that I ruminate too much and that it’s not healthy. I had focussed on this friendship to the exclusion of others, but what I have discovered since we split is that I have lots of other good friends who are there for me in ways that he never was, and I am now reaping the benefits of directing my attention to nurturing those friendships. I had neglected them in pursuit of the one who was never going to be there for me as a real friend, however amazing it was at the time.

I can’t say I have got over it, the grief is still raw at times, but I am making progress and that’s all I can ask right now.

You have to give yourself time, nurse the wounds, but make sure you treat yourself to some TLC along the way.