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LDR Silent Treatment

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  • January 13, 2015 at 7:33 am #71210
    Vincent
    Participant

    I want advice about what to do next. I’m full of regret about what I said to her. It was wrong what I told her. I was trying to helper with a bad habit. I apologies to her two days later. The problem is she is giving me the silent treatment for a week. Yesterday, I tried messaging her and she didn’t respond nor does she respond to my emails. She hasn’t block me, so I’m confused. I sent her a message before I tried contacting her explaining how I was wrong and sorry for what I told her. Then I tried contacting her later in the day and she didn’t respond. I know she could have responded, but she didn’t answer my call. This is how I know she is giving me the cold shoulder. Then I sent a second message telling her I was wrong and sorry for a second time about what happen. I further explain that I had a hard time sleeping all week, full of regret, and sorrow. Lastly, I explained that her silent treatment was hurting me. The silent treatment she is giving me is stressing me out. I can’t resolve this without her talking to me. Should I just move on or wait it out a few days or weeks? I only known her for about 2 months.

    January 13, 2015 at 7:57 am #71212
    Vincent
    Participant

    After reading another similar long distance relationship story on these forums. I will wait a few more days and see what happens. If she does not respond in a week. I’m done wait on her. I love her very much, but this silence is killing me slowly.

    January 13, 2015 at 9:18 am #71215
    Maggie Black
    Participant

    Silent treatment hurts because there is no possibility of resolution as you have pointed out.

    She might be hurt and in a LDR there isn’t a lot of ways to get to the bottom of things and if you have tried talking before and is hasn’t worked she is likely frustrated and is taking out her frustrations in this way.
    I am in a LDR too and sometimes if I am not getting what I need I want to create space too.

    However, I know I could not do this with my guy because it is a cold and manipulative way of handling it.
    It is too painful for the other person.
    She is either trying to punish you or she is in deep pain and this is her way of crying out.

    Do you two have great communication? Are you sure you have heard what she is saying to you?
    Is she trying to get you to THINK about what is going on?

    Either way, I would tell her this is unacceptable. You might even mention that you will give her space after you find out that she is ok.
    Silent treatment is a passive aggressive behavior and is not healthy.

    January 13, 2015 at 11:05 pm #71285
    Marya
    Participant

    Hi!

    Last year I was also in a LDR with an extremely passive-aggressive man who would turn off his phone and ignore me every single time we fought. It felt like being involuntarily placed into solitary confinement, as he would say I was “too emotional” to talk to right now.
    But the focus here is really her, and her silence – she is doing it for herself.

    My advice would be to end it before it gets serious. This is an extremely difficult behavior to change, and if you pull on the thread that inspired this behavior I’m confident you’ll find so many other pitfalls and issues. Of course, if you have the heart and spirit to pursue this, then I really admire you, but it can turn into a lot of questioning your own sanity and even blaming yourself for having hurt her… Even though she’s making the pain worse.

    The silent treatment is unacceptable, manipulative, and after my relationship, has become a non-negotiable dealbreaker for me.

    January 13, 2015 at 11:17 pm #71286
    Alisa Imikiba
    Participant

    There is a good quote which relates to all love-related questions:

    “The moment you stop to think about whether you love someone, you’ve already stopped loving that person forever.”

    It is by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

    Look deep into your heart to see the clear answer, and don’t forget that gaps that show up now, will only get wider with time.

    January 14, 2015 at 4:36 am #71292
    Maggie Black
    Participant

    Karmasama,
    I am thinking about your quote…
    Wondering if it is true for me.
    I have found that in the midst of turbulence, I might wonder that, but afterwards I find my love has grown deeper.
    Very interesting!

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Maggie Black.
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