Hi.

Yes, it is unusual for us to not speak this long when he is not working in a remote area.  He is home and has been for a while.  We spoke everyday as we usually do, until last Monday.

The wedding was cancelled last year because he felt like he couldn’t make me happy and do all the things I wanted to do because of his finances.  I would have been happy just doing none of it and only getting married in a very simple courthouse affair and he felt like I wouldn’t be happy and he’d feel terrible.  So we called if off.

Fast forward to this year, we started planning a month ago for me to go there and get married in January.  He would have liked for me to come now but due to my own finances, January is a better time for me.  Before he made the comment about me lovinh him more, we were simply talking about the upcoming trip, he was saying hownhe couldn’t wait to see me and my smiling face again, how he’d be waiting at the airport and then I said I couldn’t believe how long we’d been together…that when he made the comment that he made.

Hi Anita,

He went through a couple of periods where he’d just go to work in the remote area without contacting me that he was leaving.  A few times he was gone for a month or more and we had no contact, the longest was 2 months and I almost ended it.  He would often forget to let me know he was leaving.  He did fix that and communication got much better.  But then, several months later he had told one of his Aunts some deeply personal things about me that I told him in confidence.  When I found out about it by accident, it was terrible.  I almost ended it then too and it took a while to rebuild trust, especially since I had asked him to keep to himself in the first place. This was the real turning point in our relationship.  While the love was still there, I didn’t feel like thinhs were the same.

He has also been contacted by an ex girlfriend and he called her baby over IM, that one wasn’t so much a big deal but it stuck with me since he’d given me access to FB at HIS insistence, not mine..  He flakes a ton, always forgetting things and he can be very scatterbrained, it’s just part of his personality.  The other thing he may be referring to is the time I bought his little sis a phone for her bday.  I sent him the $ to buy a specific phone there in their home town.  He bought a cheaper one and pocketed the rest of the money.  I was very upset that he didn’t get her the one I’d asked him to get her.  But we got past that too.  He said he felt like she shouldn’t have ever asked me for that phone…

We honestly don’t argue often.  There’s usually a disagreement a couple times a year, even then it’s not knock down, drag out at all.

Oh and other ways he “messed up” is ignoring me for days orva couple weeks after we did have a disagreement!

Hi Anita.

I think deep down that you are right and that it’s time for me to move on from this.  It seems like such a waste since I have loved him all this time and been faithful and patient most of the time.  He has always called me the love of his life and said he felt we would be together forever, but I guess none of that was even really true, nothing is never a guarantee.  He probably got scared, cold feet and subconsciously is sabotaging the marriage plans because he doesn’t really want to get married.

True Anita…I have to sit down and talk to him to end this once and for all. We met through my good friend, he is her cousin AND she and I work together.  I’ve also met his kids, his Aunt’s, talk his sister often and have spoken to his Mom a couple of times.  The same for him, he Skyped with my Mom, sister and my kids.  This won’t be the easiest but it must be done.

Thank you so much Anita.  I appreciate your help with this.