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Laughing again?

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  • January 22, 2019 at 1:47 pm #276273
    Nocchi
    Participant

    I lost my ability to laugh.

    When I was a little 14 yr old girl my mom told me and my sister we were going to fly to visit our dad. I didn’t like him because he was abusive (he even went to jail for domestic violence, it was pretty bad and I was scared he was going to kill us.)  but went anyway because I had no control. From the first day, I wanted to leave. I asked my mom “When are we going back?” everyday, and she would say “We have yet to buy the plane tickets.”

    She never bought the tickets, and only when she was registering me to a new school did I realize that we were moving in with him.

    It broke me– I lost all my trust in the one person I needed to trust the most. I lost all my friends and never got to say bye to any of them. I cried every night for 2 years and even failed a grade. Now that its all *in the past* they should’ve gotten me at least a therapist or some help or something, but I got none of that. Instead I fell into a deep depression.

    In the end I’m alright now (for the most part), I’m 17 and doing well in school, I gained understanding of the world and have goals in life. I haven’t forgiven my parents but I tolerate their existence. But here’s my problem: I lost my ability to laugh. Really laugh. Feel as if the world is going to be fine. I lost my confidence, my ability to form close friendships and relationships with people.

    Time has healed a lot of my wounds but I never got any of that back.

    What I’m looking for is some advice, practices, mantras ANYTHING that can help me laugh like I used to.

     

    January 23, 2019 at 6:50 am #276387
    Marina
    Participant

    Hi Nocchi,

    The intention of wanting to laugh again in and of itself is powerful, it’s coming from a place of strength instead of weakness. So celebrate what you’ve overcome. Your intention if you really mean it, will influence the Universe to make that happen. A nice mantra could be: I want joy and I want to laugh freely and easily.

    You may also consider starting a gratitude journal – document small and big things – like something that made you smile or watching the rain fall, or getting good grades, etc. Gratitude practice increases happiness and reduces depression.

    Another consideration is doing a self-compassion practice. A great book is: Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, by Kristen Neff. The practice of self-compassion secretes a hormone called oxytocin which contributes to our ability to trust and relax.

    Hope that helps.

    Marina

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Marina.
    January 23, 2019 at 11:05 am #276461
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Nocchi:

    If I understand correctly, you are 17, attending school and living with your parents. You wrote that you “tolerate their existence”.

    Can you tell me what it means, that you tolerate their existence, how do  you do that?

    anita

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