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Kind of lost

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  • #73087
    Yue
    Participant

    Hi Az,

    If a guy haven’t made his intentions clear in 2 years, he is either not interested or afraid. With romance, someone will have to take a risk at some stage and traditionally it’s the guy. Instead of feeling uncertain and wondering what happen, wouldn’t it be nice for someone to just take the lead and make their intentions clear? If his fear of rejection is greater than how much he likes you, he’s probably not the kind of man you are looking for. I mean, can you imagine being the driver for every intimate step of the relationship? Ack.

    As for guy B, if you are interested, you might as well give him a chance and see what happens. You can always say no if things didn’t work out but at least you gave it a go. Thing will romance is that no one hits a home run every time and as long as you keep your boundaries clear, you should be fine.

    #73088
    Rock Banana
    Participant

    This is a very common story actually, because Guy A didn’t make things clear, maybe even didn’t know what he wanted, kind of lame, a bit scared, etc. If you’re no longer into him (which would be to be expected, TBH) then pursue guy B who may well be clearer and more forward with you. You owe nothing to guy A, you have made no agreements with or commitments to him and if he feels bad about you going after guy B then that’s his problem because he didn’t make anything clear. (Hey, maybe he just sees you as a close friend anyway.) If you really do still like guy A a lot then it’s time to have a conversation with him, and yes it involves being very clear and asking what his intentions are. The worst thing that could happen is he no longer is interested in you at all, but don’t be scared of that possibility, you still have people like guy B that you know.

    #73089
    aztech91
    Participant

    Hi Yue and Rock Banana,

    Thank you for taking time to read my long post and typing replies 🙂

    Yue, you are right..I am a person who is more conservative, I have never thought of that, and yes, I definitely wouldn’t want to be the driver for every intimate step of the relationship. Tbh for the very first few times I went out with guy A, I feel like I am the “guy”, not too sure if the traditional gender roles is too rooted in my mind either…For example, during the very first few times we head out, there was once when we reached a foodplace and there are no seats, and we need to asked if other diners are willing to share a table with us. And he just stood there and “gave” me the job to ask around. not too sure if I am being too sensitive on this point, but I guess the person I am looking for is someone more proactive than this..

    And Rock Banana, you have totally capture my thoughts, sometimes when I thought of entertaining the other guy, I feel like as if I owed guy A, I couldn’t say what (since we never make any commitments either), just that strange feeling. You’re right, probably he just sees me as a close friend. And yes, I am currently more incline with guy B because the uncertainty with A is kind of draining.

    From both your advice, I guess what I would do now is to take it easy and perhaps chat up with guy B. Things were a bit awkward when I “rejected” the first date, I guess I just need more time to be ready. Let time decide if we are really suitable, and it doesn’t hurt to make one more friend at the end of the day. As for guy A, I think I will just keep him as a friend and draw up my boundaries when necessary.

    🙂 Az

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