Keep hanging/working for with the ex-in-laws or not....

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This topic has 10 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 11 months ago by Sahara.

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December 9, 2013 at 4:46 am #46457

M@ry
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Hi all, 2 years ago I moved to Australia from Europe for my partner. We broke up 6 months ago, and I moved across the country to get away from him. I went to the only place where I had some friends, and I got a casual job here… but my ex’s sisters and parents also happen to live here… I’m still friendly with his one sister, and they are all wonderful people, but I’ve kept my distance because I wanted to move on, and forget about my ex.

I’ve been struggling to find a real job, but now, this sister who owns a business has asked me to work for her.. added detail: the mom also works in the business.. I would like to take the job because I need one, and she is willing to get out of her way to help me out. She’ll even pay for me to study and get a degree in this particular field if I stay with her for the next three years. On the other hand, I don’t want to constantly be reminded of my ex. Just being around them (especially his mom) reminds me of him, and I’m scared that I will find out that he’ll get married or something. That will just feel like a stab in the heart. I’ve overheard the sister talk to him on her phone and even that still feels like a punch in my stomach. I don’t want to think about him.

I can’t figure out if it’s healthy for me to keep hanging with the in-laws, and working for them or not. The breakup was mutual, but there was a lot of hurt. And I want to move on. On the other hand, he has already moved on, and maybe I should just suck it up and move on myself, and be grateful for the job opportunity. What would you do?

December 9, 2013 at 6:08 am #46458

Sahara
Participant

Now it is hard girl honestly. If I were you I will take the flight back to Europe and start from fresh don’t you think that would work for you may be? Working in a company what belongs to your ex partners sister is hard and that will remind you all the memories again and again. you can make two choices either you leave everything behind in Australia and move to EU and start from fresh or while you working with ex sis law find another job and move on.

December 9, 2013 at 7:07 am #46462

Matt
Participant

M@ry,

Consider that maybe the boyfriend was only a stepping stone, a way of getting you to meet your soul sister. I wonder how long it would remain painful to be around his family. The first 10 calls? The first 40 days with the mom? It seems like eventually it wouldnt hurt anymore, and you’d be free to do what you want. Do you like the sister enough to work for her for three years? Do you like the work? It sounds like a lot of grace is being offered. Is that a path you wish to walk?

With warmth,
Matt

December 9, 2013 at 2:45 pm #46478

M@ry
Participant

I will definitely stay in Australia.. and this job is not in my field (in which I haven’t been able to find anything yet)… and it is a job that has my interest.. but yeah, I will have to think about it, because his family still care for me, but will I ever truly move on if I keep hanging around them…. that’s my fear. Because he’s already moved long ago. It would be easier if I had a new partner myself… but my first focus is a career, social life, friends, hobbies.

December 10, 2013 at 1:14 am #46514

M@ry
Participant

Also, I feel like a bit of a loser, he’s moved on already, and I’m still single… It has only been 6 months, and I’ve got other priorities, but having no one special for Xmas and the holidays, does feel like I’m a bit of a loser. I don’t feel like a loser in general, but being around his family it does feel like that because he’s moved on so quickly and I’m still single.

December 10, 2013 at 1:22 am #46515

Sahara
Participant

Dear M@ry I don’t think you should feel like loser at all. Being single is not loser at all. quick relationship will end up quickly and give only a pain. take your time. Enjoy your freedom don’t get in to a move on race with your ex partner. If he move on fast let him. Take your self in to a strong healthy relationship with a slow journey. i am divorced 4 years ago and I am still single I feel much better been alone than with being with some one who does not want to settle or grow old or have a family. I am sure you will find a very good partner during the Christmas. trust me.

December 11, 2013 at 10:40 pm #46621

M@ry
Participant

It is tough, they just all left to spend Xmas with him on the other side of the country, and I’m here by myself 🙁 I feel replaced by the new girlfriend, because last year it was me spending Xmas with them…

December 11, 2013 at 11:01 pm #46622

daniella pratt
Participant

@M@ry said:
It is tough, they just all left to spend Xmas with him on the other side of the country, and I’m here by myself 🙁 I feel replaced by the new girlfriend, because last year it was me spending Xmas with them…

What will you do for the holidays ?
It can be tough but you will get through it ….and for different reasons but I had to endure some hard Christmases and this one again .
Your not alone
X

December 12, 2013 at 2:45 am #46625

Sophia Soldago
Participant

Dear M@ry, don’t stay in a job where you feel stabbed in the heart! It’s not good for you. You are giving your employer a big lever to use against you, consciously or not. They may also be using you to manipulate your ex or his new partner.

My sister secretly saw my scary ex for years and finally married him. My parents supported the relationship. It’s fractured our family.

There are so many glorious opportunities in the world! Start fresh, enjoy your friends and things you like to do, and heal. New romance and work will come to you!

December 12, 2013 at 4:09 am #46627

Melissa
Participant

M@ry,
Im in awe of the fact you left your home to move in with the guy. You have incredible strength and emotional courage.
I believe, that if you remain where you are and stay with your new family you will move onto bigger and brighter things. I consider being single a period of rest and time to decide where you want to be in life without the distractions of loving someone else intensely taking you off your course.
Embrace the generous offer from people that clearly care about you. If you do find it a struggle to continue working for three years, what are the consequences if you leave within a year? Do you have to pay for the course?
Whatever happens, in time it will become easier. I promise.

December 13, 2013 at 9:18 pm #46725

Sahara
Participant

it is tough also it is hard but that makes you a stronger person. believe me.
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