Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Just can't feel positive
- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 3 months ago by
realtalk.
-
AuthorPosts
-
December 30, 2013 at 11:52 pm #48044
Mark
ParticipantYour world was turned upside down by discovering your father to be someone else that you thought he was. I imagine that has made you rethink what is really true in the World. If your own dad has lied and betrayed the family then what else that I counted on does not hold true? No wonder it is hard to make friends at uni since who can you trust?
I like the Dalai Lama quote: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
There is a Loving Kindness Meditation that may help you to get to that place of compassion .. for yourself as well as for others. You can Google it for there are several out there online. YouTube has some.Also you may want to try listing your Gratitudes daily so that you can focus on the good things in your life on a regular basis to get your mind out of what is not going right in your life.
I don’t think these are quick fixes. I think you should give yourself time to grieve and heal for the loss of that image of your dad, the loss of that trust you had for him, and the loss of that foundation which you model your relationships on.
Take care.
Metta,
MarkDecember 31, 2013 at 4:17 am #48047straeif
ParticipantHello, Ally! I’m sorry you’re having so much on your shoulders, I really am.
I agree with Mark: give yourself time to grieve. If you feel like crying, cry your heart out! Your feelings are legitimate because you’re feeling them, so never be ashamed of letting them out.
About Uni, maybe there are clubs there that you could join? Clubs about stuff you enjoy and that way you can meet people whom you can get a better connection with! If there is none on your Uni, maybe somewhere else? It’s hard to feel connected when the people around you don’t seem to have the same interests. The internet is also a great place to meet people who share your views, and even though you might not meet people in person, you’re still going to have people around you, talking and supporting you. “Being close isn’t physical”, I read once in a book, and I couldn’t agree more.
About your parents… I’m awfully sorry about all of this. It is a really hard thing to deal with, and having parents that had a fallout myself, I can relate to you wholehearteadly. Have you tried talking to your father about it? I know it is a very, very awful thing to find out, but maybe he also needs someone to listen to him so he can try and figure himself out? If he’s cheating on your mother like that, there has to be a reason. And it doesn’t seem like it’s lack of love towards your mother; maybe it’s about the thing you said, that they don’t really show their feelings to each other?! Maybe he needed to feel loved too. Maybe he’s doing it not because he doesn’t love your mother, but because he’s not feeling her love for him. Would you be willing to try and talk to him? Maybe when you’re feeling a bit better? Because you have to take care of yourself first and foremost before trying to take care of anyone else! I think he also needs someone to lean on to, because sometimes is hard for us to see stuff for ourselves, and a little push in the right direction might be needed. I know he isn’t being truthful to you, so a different approach might be needed, like you being completely honest with him as well. Open your heart to him, and he might be willing to open his heart to you. It won’t be easy, but you can do it.
Your friend also seems to be having a very difficult time? We all deal differently with stress. Maybe she needs someone to talk to as well. Life seems to be hard on her too, since she’s on Uni and not doing so well, so please don’t take her comments personally! It seems her way of dealing with stress; it hurts, but it’s not about you – it’s about her, you see. Sometimes we hurt the people we love without wanting to because we’re hurting inside.
I am glad you and your boyfriend have such a solid relationship, though! And of course you would doubt him after so many things happening. But Ally, you don’t really know what’s going to happen in the future! It’s awful thinking about things that will happen, and I know it’s hard not to think of them, but aren’t you happy right now? Isn’t now what counts? If in thirty years time he really does (which I HIGHLY doubt) cheat on you, then it is in thirty years time that you will have to deal with it. Try to slowly let go of these worries and concentrate on how happy you and he are at this moment, right now. I know it’s hard, I really do, but you’ll get better in controlling these thoughts and living in the present in no time!
One thing that always gets me through rough times is remembering that everything is temporary. Your happiness might be temporary, but so is sadness. It’s how the world works. You’ll heal from this, stronger than before and wiser; just give yourself time and takes things slowly! Slow is good. Slow is the way to go!
I really, really hope you take care, and that everything gets better! And believe me, it will.
I’m sorry for anything, and be strong! You’re going to get through this, I believe in you!December 31, 2013 at 3:06 pm #48076realtalk
ParticipantI hope things get better for you. Your dad had an affair, that sucks. At the end of the day, he’s human though. Humans are flawed. No one is perfect. The only person you can control is yourself, no one else. Not to be cruel, just honest. School is hard, but you can make it. Try your best, give it your heart. If you want to make friends, you have to go out and meet people. Quality is better than quantity. One good friend is worth a million whatever friends. Be the best you can be, everything else will fall into place. Your feelings are your choices. Your happiness lies in your own hands.
-
AuthorPosts