Dear Lara:

True, out of inattentiveness (not having considered it is rude and irresponsible) or out of rudeness (knowing it is rude and irresponsible, but not caring, and maybe even intending to be rude), people remove items from where they belong and leave them in other locations, instead of returning them to their rightful place.

You did the right thing speaking up except that you went overboard with the anger (“I went overboard, raising my voice, getting angry”). It would have been appropriate if you told the person: excuse me, you left this item here and it doesn’t belong here- in a calm voice, and left it at that. (If the item he left was a perishable item, you could add: you left this perishable item outside the refrigerator, it can endanger someone’s health).

Having read your first thread, your angry reaction to this man reminds me of what you wrote Nov 2018 regarding your mother: “always assuming the worst of people, not getting the fine nuances… there were times when I would say something she disagreed with, I don’t have an example there but I certainly remember the disgusted look she gave me, like I was the worst person on the planet”-

* This man at the store, hopefully he wasn’t the worst person on the planet, even when he acted like it’s not a big deal. There are nuances: maybe he wasn’t rude but ignorant, maybe he was in a terrible rush. Your mother didn’t consider fine nuances, but you can consider these yourself.

* Your mother over-reacted to what she believed you did wrong (said something she disagreed with) ,and you over-reacted to what this man did.

To do justice to the comparison: this man did something wrong, but you did nothing wrong when you said something that she disagreed with. Even if you cared to say nothing at all, ever,  that she disagreed with, you .. it wasn’t possible for you to have the complete list of all the possible things she disagreed and will disagree with in the future, and double check what you are about to say with that list, before you open your mouth around her, every single time.

anita