Katherine,

I feel you %100. Our backgrounds are very similar. My family ask me for money and my sister and her baby will be moving in with me this month (rent free). I grew up poor but had rich friends and partners from well to do families. I realized that the grass wasn’t always greener. A rich friend I always envied, her mother was suicidal and in and out of mental institutions. Rich people have the same issues and sometimes even worst issues than we do.

Once, I got mad at a roommate when she said we should be grateful that our middle class families could put us through college. I was flabbergasted because she had known me for six years and didn’t even realize that I had to put myself through college. She just assumed everyone lived like her. When I got to the root of my envy, it really had to do with feelings of inferiority and lacking. What I really wanted wasn’t financial support from my family but just flat out support. It’s one thing to be poor and have the love and support of family but another thing to be poor and have zero emotional support.

I started to focus more on what I had rather than what I didn’t have. Growing up in poverty and adversity gave me resilience and determination. I learned that my greatest form of freedom came from financial independence. Try to learn to be grateful for your struggles. Also be thankful that your boyfriend didn’t have to go through the same struggles. I am sure he had and has other struggles that he had to endure. Also know that money isn’t really ever free. The money his parents give him comes with strings attached. I am sure they love him but more than likely the money may be a source of control and a way of keeping him dependent. If you feel that working while obtaining your Phd is overwhelming, ask him for help. Since you live together maybe he can pay %75 and you pay for %25.

I am very proud of your accomplishments and admire your strong will. Please don’t waste energy on envy, it only poisons you. You have more inside and out than you will ever know! The fact that you want to heal people and help them recover rather than fill your pockets with avarice stained bills, shows that you are rich in spirit. Money doesn’t matter much because we all die empty handed.

Here is a Ted Talk by Mark Boyle (The Moneyless Man)…He lived without money for two years due to ethical reasons and the severe adverse effects that consumerism has on people and the environment:

Much Love,

Zenhen