Hi Maryellen! I’m a 22 year old gay male and I’m Mexican, which may explain my misspellings and weird sentences haha
I think you should try to move on, I know how impossible it may seem, trust me, I’ve been there. I just got over my first relationship, it lasted from when I was 8 or 9 years old and ended when I was 14 or so. And it took me about 6 years to get over him can you imagine? He is, actually, the person I’ve loved the most in my entire life, ever.
And I did have suicidal thoughts, and been dealing with depression since 14, so I relate to what you’re going through and trust me, suicide is not the solution! I know you’re dealing with unbearable pain all the time, and you feel like life’s meaningless and hopeless without him, but its just because you’re in love. All you need is time and the willing to live and be happy. I’m telling you this by experience, there is life after love!
I feel better than ever, I’m single and I think I’ll remain like that for a very long time.
I wish I could take the pain out of you, I’m worried about you. In the end, you’ll become a much stronger and beautiful person, and I hope things get better between you. If you ever need feel alone, you need to talk or you need a friend here I am! I love the world, the people, everything. If you want to contact me I can give you my phone number or whatever.
Oh btw, what you can do to discharge some of your pain is listening to music! It actually helped me a lot to get through hard times. You should try Amy Winehouse though, I relate to her because of her pain to and how she was suffering for love. Give it a try, listen to her album Back to Black, I absolutely adore her music.
Have a blessed day, Maryellen! <3