I’ve been wanting to have some unbiased input into my situation, and having trolled the
internet have decided TinyBudda is a good place to share.

Short synopsis
Met my American husband on holiday, he was working, kinda think it was my body
clock ticking that kicked in. fun 2 weeks,he arranged to visit, cancelled the day he
was supposed to arrive. I SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING THERE AND THEN.
Instead wrote him a letter to which he responded with a phone call, I visited him
again and apart from his infidelity 7 years ago (we split up for about 8 months.

He met a woman on a flight back to work, told her we were seperated (news to me)
we’ve been together ever since.

Its not been a match made in heaven since day one, but I got pregnant and we
just did what you do. . Get on with it, 2 boys later (now 16 and 17yrs). I was 36
and he was 32 when we met. It worked because he worked away alot but just over
4 years ago he lost the travelling job. Since then we’ve run a burger van locally to
where we live, and quite honestly it’s been really hard.

Money has become very tight and he’s always been used to having money. I have
income that has really kept the roof over our heads. After about a year of working
the burger van together I was getting a little unhappy as felt more and more was
being piled on me. I kept the house, shopping for home and business, running two
teenagers around (he doesn’t like driving in the dark, but he also likes to drink beer
every night), so I quietly got on with what I had to do and pretty much let him do
what he wanted. He got into conspricacy theories on the internet and slowly
became obsessed. I felt he was getting depressed but didn’t know what to do.

We’ve not been very good at communicating with each other. We did talk a little
about seeing someone but finances were tight and he didn’t feel it was necessary.

Last June there was something he wanted to go to, and I had a friend (girl) who
he knew and was also interested in going. They went, when he came back I could
tell something was different, I asked him..he got a bit anxious – and then went on
to tell me that he had told my friend he had feelings for her, but they had agreed
not to act on anything for a COUPLE OF YEARS , but if things didn’t get better
with me, they would get together then. I told him to go now, life’s too short. He
did go for a couple of nights, but came back in the day to work. Then she blew
him out and he came back saying he didn’t have anywhere else to go…He keeps
making the point they didn’t have sex, but to me, it was almost worse. I would have
kept cooking dinners inviting my friend round, and they would have had this
lovely little secret…:(

He’s been sleeping in a caravan on the yard since June. He was trying to get
back with me for about 6 weeks, then he had to go to the USA, for a family event.
The morning he left he asked me if there was a future for us, and I said as of that
moment, i didn’t think so. Anyway he told his family what was going on, and his
stepmother gave him a letter his x-girlfriend before me had written to him and sent
to his parents home, 18 month before, she had kept a copy of it and sent the
original back with a note saying what he was up to. I had confided in his step
mother when they had visited us, that things were tough…

So here I am having to see this man every day, whilst he carries on his on line
(email and skype) fantasy relationship. I did do some spying and read some of
their emails. On the 19th August he was asking me if there was a future, on the
25th August he’s emailing her to say it’s brilliant they are in touch again, and that
it was brilliant because we had split up in June.

I do know I am a hard person to please and he has felt for a long time nothing is
good enough, so I guess he got defensive and stopped even trying. He wanted
more sex and I wanted help and to feel appreciated. He’s got a sign in his
workshop that says ‘you don’t have to earn love’. because I was trying to get him to
see if I didn’t feel so overwhelmed I’d have a more room for him.

I’m so very sad at the moment, but I’m also hurt, angry, and a little scared.
We have decided to sell some of our garden for building plots to get some money so
we can split up but that could be months away..

I think I have underlying issues about loss, as I lost both my parents by 30.

I do some yoga and meditation, but find myself indulging in less helpful ways of
helping myself. I pour a glass of wine, and light a cigarette and I know it would
help me so much more if I went in my room and did my practice. Why and I
finding it so hard to help myself.

Any feedback would be helpful
xxx