Home→Forums→Relationships→It's Complicated, because I make it Complicated
- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by
Samantha Emily Tachibana.
-
AuthorPosts
-
October 5, 2016 at 10:06 am #117263
AnonymousGuestDear Sam:
You are very, very busy with work and studies. It may be helpful to you in some regard, to be so busy. At the same time it is taxing and draining, naturally.
Between the busy time and the time communicating with him, find a moment to take a deep breath and relax, so that your communication with him is not always venting and downloading the stresses of the day.
Your “desire to be needed and irreplaceable”- oh, I know that desire! It started when I was very young, not being valued by the adults in my life, being invisible-like. Not being considered. I later wanted to over-compensate- be the ONLY one in another’s life.
Working through the hurts of the child that you were, and still are, psychically, will help, maybe in psychotherapy (if you had the time…), so that the early hurts stop imposing themselves in your present time.
Post anytime.
anita
October 5, 2016 at 10:13 am #117264
Samantha Emily TachibanaParticipantPsychotherapy, are there certain practices you would suggest. I’m willing to try anything at this point. I’m tired of desiring approval and validation or being overly upset with myself or others when I can’t get it.
October 5, 2016 at 10:43 am #117267AnonymousGuestDear Sam:
Regarding what kind of therapy: well, most important that the therapist is competent, empathetic and hard working; one who doesn’t think about you only during the time of the actual sessions; one who will evaluate you, come up with objectives for the therapy and strategies to accomplish those objectives, giving you a printed paper with his evaluation, objectives and strategy.
The therapist should be active in the sessions, not just sit there, appearing to listen and take notes, but someone who talks. Psychoeducation should be part of it- he should be clear about what he is doing. it shouldn’t be a mystery.
He or she should be a professional, not a friend-like for you to vent to. He should give you homework following some of the sessions, things to read or meditation to do or both. He should plan from one session to the next.
He or she, the therapist, shouldn’t “wing it”- it should be scientific, the process. He is there to promote your healing, he has a professional responsibility for you which he should take very seriously.
If the therapist practices CBT- that is good, but being open to different practices is a good idea, not to be rigid with one!
anita
October 5, 2016 at 10:43 am #117268
Nina SakuraParticipantRayasanguin,
You sound tough according to me. cut yourself some slack – it’s not you, it’s just the situation – long distances are anyway hard and when partners are in high-stress situations harder still. You have been managing quite well despite what you think actually and we all need that 1 person atleast whom we can really talk to, not just the nice talk, the shitty “oh baby, I am exhausted” thing – it’s not a dependance issue, you are a human being and we need support systems, some intimacy. you have feelings too. Right now he is simply really far away and most guys actually suck big time at this texting stuff I have noticed.
As for what you mentioned in the end, it would be a good idea to deal with emotions of the past through therapy.
Please do share any time soon
Regards,
NinaOctober 5, 2016 at 12:53 pm #117274Samantha Emily TachibanaParticipantThank you both for the comments, it feels better to know other men are bad at texting. I get nervous just because I haven’t really dated much and don’t really know what I can reasonably anticipate from a good partner. I think my college provides an emotional counseling service, so I’ll see if maybe they can help me. Thank you so much 🙂
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 