It was like a kick in the stomach today. Breakup was 6 months ago, and I was doing fine, busy with work, finally making friends (I moved across the country after the breakup), but today all of a sudden I had a relapse… I overheard a phone conversation, and it turns out 2 of my friends here (also his friends) are going to spend Xmas holidays at his place, with his new girlfriend.

This hurts so much. They didn’t tell me because they didn’t want to hurt me. And I get it, because I told everyone I don’t want to hear about him, and that I want to leave him in the past, but this still hurts. Especially because the last 2 years we all holidayed together (me included). And I know they are all still friends with him, and they should, but I feel so lonely now. I am alone this Christmas, and I have no special people or family here with me. And they will be having an awesome time there at the beach, with the new girl, who he knows is ‘the one’. They only met 2 months ago, but he’s known since the beginning she’s ‘the one’ and he knows this because he prayed about it. I now made up my own perfect fantasy holiday and told them I’ll be out of the country, because I don’t want them to think I’m a loser having to work at Xmas and having no real plans. No one will be here to verify that anyway, but aaargh….. I feel so lonely and sad. And even though we were so unhappy as a couple, and we had big problems for at least a year before the breakup, and the break was really a mutual decision, I feel jealous that he’s happy and I’m not 🙁