Post #6:

Her expressions are congruent with an adult who has been out and about in the world, as an adult, for many years:

“Change is scary, though well-needed. .. As far as childhood goes – to me, it ended very long ago. The magical, innocent feeling we all know is not something I’ve felt for quite some time… Oh dear, I rambled a bit.. Writing bland prompt after bland prompt for years has made it more of a chore… I don’t want him (her bio father) to witness me in my jaded and somber state…I really want a little handy dandy notebook, just so all of the information wouldn’t be lost in the gaping black hole of technology…I’m a bit discouraged by the thought of meeting new people, just because I find myself too busy reflecting on my plethora of past crash-and-burn friendships, and how I really don’t want to add another hollow shell of a friendship to the pile…”

“I was looking back on some of my favorite pieces, and apparently the piece I thought was from a “few months ago” was actually done in October, last year…(It is older people imagining last year as only a few months ago, isn’t it?)” – yes, I believe so.

“Everything passes by so fast, (for a teenager in her room 23/24 hours per day?)…” The sense of time for a child, and especially a child/ teenager in her room so long, is that time is endless, not-moving. This is why enduring an abusive situation while seeing it as hopeless as it is- is not an option for a child. Enduring it for what seems forever is impossible. This is why the child makes-believe the adults in her life are changeable, and there is hope, if only she was a.. good enough girl.

anita

To everyone:

I have read everything up to this point, and want to weigh in on a few things. Writing to Sammi has been important to me because as I have already explained, I have felt that I could help the situation. Anita has also offered her excellent insights. It takes effort, good will and a bit of investment to reach out to someone in this way so of course the idea that it could be a ‘hoax’ would be very violating.

So here are a few of my insights into this situation:

Linguistics – or perhaps we should call it cultural linguistics:

I too had noticed and unusual usage of language on the part of Sammi. In addition to just having naturally excellent communication skills beyond her years, and now (since the video) I further understand that Sammi also has language coming from a few different sources/influences – online communication, gaming, british youtube, older people she corresponds with and such. So a slightly eclectic use of language or embellishment in her language is understandable to me- especially since online there is a lot more exposure to different cultures. Yes, I’ve seen some inconsistencies in the correspondence here and there, a few things I wondered about, but I had put that in the context of writing in quantity, being 15-16, and not always keeping track of what was said.

Emotional environment:

I have known several people in this age group with slightly similar situations – one in an emotionally/psychologically unhealthy but intellectually brilliant household, one with a mother with a violent boyfriend, one who had to come to this country and support his family back home at the age of 16. All three of them had language usage above and beyond their years. Two of them were ‘parenticized’ because of the family dysfunction meaning they took on emotional responsibilities beyond their years.

One of them had to be the emotional head of the household charging herself at an early age with getting rid of her mother’s bad boyfriends because her own mother was unable to defend herself. One of them went on to be an artist on NYC’s lower east side, but was unable to resolve the early family issues. One of them has resolved things and has become one of my close friends.

So none of this either situationally or linguistically is unfamiliar to me, unconventional though it may be.

There have been one or two times I have noticed a ‘disconnect’ in the communication between Sammi and Anita, mainly the the ‘hug vs shame’ correspondence which was a big question mark for me. I have to say I did not understand what was going on there. If there was a retroactive correction and I read it after this, then that makes sense. Either way I was mystified. Also, I did notice some inconsistency in story, but again I chalked that up to being human.

I am wondering if the disconnect could partially be a question of linguistics and culture – especially since Sammi’s ‘culture’ is also taking place online and so the few british-isms do seem out of place..

Anita – you mentioned you have been here 30 years. I’m not sure where you’re from originally but is it possible there is a slight disconnect simply on a more subtle language usage level??

That said, Anita’s reaction is understandable to me.

I will say this – as a freelance video producer who sees people on camera all the time – the girl we know as Sammi and the one on camera seem to be one and the same!!

I do have a few questions:

Sammi – why does your name appear as Sammi Sakura? Who is Nina Sakura?
Relation between the two?
Is there someone else involved in this correspondence?

Bottom line is we are all humans with feelings here, and it would be good to resolve this.

I’m concerned for all.

-Mitchell

Dear Anita–
Good to read. First let me say that it lightens my heart since I have been very much enjoying the correspondence with Sammi and the dynamic of your presence and exceptional insights.

Secondly, I’m just delighted to be directly in touch with you!

Thirdly, in case it wasn’t clear above, let me reiterate that it’s completely understandable why you might have thought the things you did; one of the reasons I wrote to Sammi in the first place is that I heard a ‘familiar’ voice in her writing and vocabulary, coming from having the friends I mentioned in my previous post. I knew that as a primarily grown-up site this would not be apparent to everyone. I also felt that her situation could be dire. That and as mentioned I have a 16 year old so I’m in touch with a lot of this age group – problems and all. And so I decided to post.

I am seeing great movement in Sammi’s dealings with what was once a terrifying situation for a young kid and am now hearing some of her strong intellect applied to the emotional ‘issues’ caused by her situation.

This has been a learning experience for me as well. More about that later perhaps..

So let’s all take a deep breath!!!

-Mitchell

Hi Nina-

Cool. Thanks. I had seen your name before and also have seen the character, and just wondered if there was a Sakura connection in light of Anita’s questions.

-Mitchell

Dear Sammi/ Driftwood, and Nina:

I was able to watch the video without volume for a while. When I had speakers connected so that I could hear, what followed was a “critical alert” regarding my computer having been infected with a virus. When I called the number provided, what followed was an internet scam- I was to pay $349 or else my computer will infect many other computers and I will not be able to go online again because my personal internet ID was compromised. This was my first internet scam! Following the hours it took to get my computer to function again, I am very wary of clicking the link again, or any links. I am so NOT going to open links again.

And so, I was not able to hear a single word Sammi said in the video.

At the end of Post #7 I expressed concern for the girl in the photo, imagining she didn’t know someone was posting in her name. I was wrong: the girl (Sammi) is not a victim of a twisted wanna-be best seller author. What a relief!

Thank you Mitchell for your kind words. I appreciate your notes to me. Thank you Nina for your note. I wish you the best, Sammi.

What a thread this has been! I am exhausted. Best to all of you. I am so, so very tired.

anita

Ugh, this sounds like such a hard situation. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I grew up with an abusive dad myself and it’s completely negatively affected my life, my relationships, my self-esteem, etc. I was not nearly as insightful as you seem to be at your age. And I could at least get out of the house to go to school and go to friends’ houses, etc.

I’m worried that you’re cooped up with this person for so much of your life. I’m worried that his abuse will rub off on you and damage you in the long run.

You speak of being scared a lot when people suggest things you can do to get you of the house or get more effective help. I’d like to encourage you to do some of those things even though they are scary. Life is really all about doing scary things, and the more you face your fears, the less scared you’ll be. I think it would help you in the long run to take a deep breath and get out of the house more, even if just to take a walk in nature or something. I know it’s hard when you’re a teen to make certain decisions (like finding another therapist) because you’re not financially independent, but getting out into the world and at least exploring different ways of being could be helpful to you for your whole life, not just in your current situation.

I hope you have friends you can have fun with, so at least your whole life isn’t taken up by fear.

Good luck and stay safe!