Hello, this is my first post here.
I am usually a huge lurker and frankly I can’t believe I am posting!
I am writing in desperation because I feel lost, lonely and hopeless, I am hoping that writing here will give me some clarity and relief.

I am in my late twenties and living in my “home country”. I put it in quotes because I did not grow up here. I moved here a few years ago leaving my friends and my boyfriend.
I was upset and miserable about this move and moped/cried for a good few months but tried to focus and be positive when I landed myself an exciting job.
For a few years, the work hours were extremely long and it was a lot of stress to deal with when I was already having trouble trying to blend into the culture+learning the language properly.
I was busy/exhausted all the time and had no opportunity to go out and meet new people and create a network of friends. I always went places alone or with my family. The few chances that I did get, I’d end up drifting away because I never had the time. (It may just be that I was lazy/ just making excuses?) I felt isolated, lonely and full of anxiety.

Now, the hours don’t seem as long (I am guessing I work faster and deal with problems easier). I try to take care of myself physically and emotionally….
Life is lot more stable for the most part and feel like I should be in the state to prepare to move….but I am just so burned out and depressed I can’t seem to move forward.
Sometimes I feel like things are going great and then there would be times I’d come home and be in tears.

I don’t understand. Logically I know what I can do to help with my problems yet I feel like it’s all hopeless. I feel like I am so used to being alone that I probably can’t handle having a social life anymore (?!?) I feel like I am scared of change even though that’s exactly what I want. I feel like I am doomed to be alone, lonely and unloved. I feel like I am too tired to do anything. Life feels empty yet I go crazy trying to think of all the ways I can change my life.
I feel unhappy with myself…I blame myself for being lazy and not making a move earlier. I feel silly for getting dramatic over having “no friends” and wish I would just get on with it.
I don’t feel happy in my long distance relationship because I feel bad for being needy and depending on my bf for company he can’t always give. I feel resentment towards my mum (I love her very much!) for telling me to come here in the first place. I feel frustrated when I see other peoples seemingly perfect lives on social media.

What can I do to stop these negative thoughts? I feel like my mind is trying to stop me from being happy!!