HomeโForumsโEmotional MasteryโIs trying too hard the problem when finding your purpose?
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November 10, 2013 at 12:29 pm #45097DavidParticipant
Hiya my name is David; I’m new.
First off, I think that my journey so far has been littered with many ups and even more downs, similar to many of you; I have battled mental health issues, with my therapist (which are managed), I have accepted a great many things about who I am. I have learnt to accept others, I have learnt to notice when I judge (which is slowly depleting). I could go on for a while and explain a multitude of experiences and values I hold most dear to my being; but one thing I have also recently learned is that, time is on my side and that patients is important.
I see a great many people sometimes squander the gift of compassion; this makes me sad, as until a couple of years ago I was on a lot of medication and what I saw when I awoke, was a light that shone. As I slowly was taken off all the medication, I had thoughts, I could communicate with others, I had feelings that I had never felt in my entire life and never thought I could gain. I have will power, I have belief, in both myself and others, I have intelligence, I never thought I had, I saw the beauty of this world, but also the sadness and pain. I was awake.
I have made myself feel uncomfortable, in order for me to move forward through the fear, I volunteer and see the faces of others that look on with glee as I help, this makes me happy and at peace. I am not in any paid employment, however, I do receive benefits; to which I am desperate to come off. But from my past experiences I only see the pain of being paid to live someone elses dream. I have a big issue with earning money in the pursuit of helping others; I would volunteer my services to strangers in need and receive nothing in return, but their thanks and this is bliss to me. But in the back of my mind, I’m saying “I need to live”,”I need to earn something”; but I cannot go back to the life I once had. I am starting a physics and mathematics degree next year (home study O.U); I want to be ready for this; I want to earn, study and help others; I want to experience people, places, colours; I need to find my purpose. Can trying too hard as in a creativity context emotionally block you? Am I trying too hard to find what may of been there all along?
A speaker on mental health matters would be a dream; but I doubt myself. What am I missing; if anything? A great many people have said to me, “I have so much to give”. Maybe I am frightened of making that leap; maybe I am still scared of making mistakes.
Sorry about my long winded post.
If anyone can offer guidance, that would be a great.
Regards David
November 11, 2013 at 5:51 am #45111KarinParticipantHi David,
don’t be sorry about your post. I enjoyed reading it.
Have you read ‘The Alchemist’, by Paolo Coelho? It’s about living your dream. Maybe you can find some inspiration there.
I’d like to say: don’t doubt yourself.
You say: ‘What am I missing; if anything?’ Asking yourself what you are missing is a constructive question, find out so you can work on yourself.And don’t let fear (of making mistakes) rule your life or your thoughts… you’re allowed to make mistakes in life. Learn from them, don’t beat yourself up about it. Live!!
I wish you lots of strength and love,
KarinNovember 11, 2013 at 8:00 am #45116Nerdy CreatorParticipantHi David,
I’m new here too!
I agree with Karin. Don’t let mistakes stop you. We are all here to learn and grow.
I used to be someone who is low is self-esteem, but it just get better every day.Finding your purpose takes exploration. Just take one tiny step at a time. You will get more inspiration to act when you explore.
Don’t worry about defining your purpose immediately. It will get clearer every step you take.All the best,
Nerdy Creator ๐November 11, 2013 at 9:39 am #45118TheAwakeningParticipantHi David,
First off, I thought I’d let you know that your post was EXACTLY what I needed to read today.
I distinctly remember a couple of months in this year where the ONLY question burning me up was – what is my purpose? what is it that I am supposed to be doing and why haven’t I found it yet?
At the same time, disillusioned with the world of employment, I quit my job, taking myself out of a conflict-zone and really focused all my time and energy on seeking Inner answers. During this time, my eyes were also opened to the reality of this world – the madness of the rat race, the misdirection of ambition and how, in the end, how very futile it all seemed.
In the course of looking for answers, I attended a spiritual retreat. It was there that I asked the guru the question – How do you find your purpose? And he responded, “to understand your purpose, understand your motive.”
That was one sentence that stayed with me.
For some time, I briefly flirted with the idea of leaving the material world as we know it behind, and embark on a spiritual journey. In that manner, I would remove myself from the nonsense that working for someone else’s dream can sometimes be – I would never have to compromise on anything ever again, and I would be on a “greater” journey, as compared to those who were running someone else’s race.
Then today, in my inbox, was a quote from the guru. (Quick note: He’s someone born into a Muslim family, who left his family behind to travel to the Himalayas, study the Vedas and seek the Truth. He now runs a spiritual organisation called The Satsang Foundation (www.satsang-foundation.org). He’s known by the nickname Sri M.)
Sri M said, ” In this material world โ earning oneโs living, going through all the problems and travails of worldly existence, mundane existence, is a very necessary step to learning about spiritual consciousness and evolving to higher levels of consciousness and in fact there is nothing wrong with it.”
It was then that I understood my MOTIVE – I wanted to escape the real world, by using spirituality. That’s when I also realised it was not the way for me.
I was also reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and he devotes a chapter to Purpose. And he said something beautiful – as long as you have found your Inner Purpose, the Outer Purpose does not matter. The way I interpreted that was – as long as I understand myself, and grow myself spiritually and personally, then what I do for a living and hw “important” or “awesome” it is in the scale of things does not matter.
Another realisation I recently arrived at was this – everything you need, you have inside you. All the answers, the skills, the courage etc etc etc – it is within.
And that is precisely what you typed (perhaps unconsciously) – Am I trying too hard to find what may of been there all along? You’ve already realised that ‘it has been there all along.’ You just have to allow that answer to rise into your consciousness. I’ve come to understand that the mind needs something to chew on constantly, so even my genuine quest for purpose had become a piece of mental chewing gum.
I didn’t want to join the real world again. I still haven’t. But the one thing I have stopped doing is TRYING to find answers.
The only thing I can tell you with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY is this – stop trying. just be still, be calm, and let it come to you. and it will. Nerdy Creator is right – don’t worry about finding ‘IT’. Don’t waste your energy in trying to see the destination, and only then start walking.
Wait. And take it step by step. Don’t bother about “failure” – it’s not real, just a weird parameter created by the world to limit your definition of yourself.
Wish you love and luck on your journey. Keep walking. ๐
November 12, 2013 at 1:38 pm #45184DavidParticipantHi, and thank you so much for all your positive replies; I believe I am slowly learning many things about who I am, almost by accident. When I look back on my life and many times I remember; this many sound strange, when I tried, I kind of failed and failed again. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree that mistakes are a necessity for life; but my failures kept appearing, until recently I decided to stop ‘trying’, yes I still make mistakes, but they appear to happen on a less consistent level. When I do not try or not think too much/hard, my senses seem to be more attune, reactions become more fluid and free; it is very difficult to explain. I’m trying to balance my analytical-self with the spiritual and moral soul that I have found.
Thank you Karin, Nerdy Creator, The Awakening for you assistance and recommendations on reading materials. I have actually been thinking about joining this forum for a while, and it is nice to hear like minds. It is nice to be not alone with views that do not fit with in baying masses.
Thank you.
David
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