I am 46 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years.  The first 2 years were very rough.  He was still living with his ex girlfriend when we started dating and it took many months to close that book.  When he moved in with me I began to realize that he had a drinking problem that did not work well with me.  Most days he would drink himself to the point of passing out.  He was a highly functioning alcoholic and so I decided to leave him.  At the same time I had “fallen for” another man so it was high time to move on.

Except I didn’t.  My boyfriend cried and promised to change and it was terrible.  I was so affected by his crushed response that I ended up staying, mostly out of guilt for his terrible loss.  It took 6 months but we did manage to be ok.  I stopped talking to the other man and my boyfriend quit drinking completely and devoted himself to our relationship.

Until the gaming took over, that is.  After the “honeymoon” wore off he delved back into video games.  Over the past 9 months I have realized that we don’t really connect.  He can spend hours playing video games, sometimes until 1:00am.  We rarely go to bed at the same time and many evenings are spent doing separate things – he games and I watch TV or chat with my friends.  I didn’t even realize how separate we have become because I rationalized it with “at least he isn’t drinking” but yet I still feel very disconnected from him.  I am not very interested in his life which is basically work and video games.  We do watch TV together and it is nice but it’s not enough.  I have never really been able to get back into a sex life with him and it’s only gotten worse.  I see it as a chore to be performed now and again rather than anything I really want to engage in.  The “other man” is back in my life and taking space again.

I am at the crossroads again and it is even more difficult because I keep rationalizing that “he is a great guy and doesn’t drink” but is that enough?  I am worried I am with him our of a sense of responsibility and fear of being alone rather than because it is a truly loving and satisfying relationship.

I was wondering if there is some peace to be found here….