What I get from this is that you are not treated with the respect you deserve. Not by your husband and not by yourself.

You put yourself in a situation where you are completely dependent on your ex. You need him to support you emotionally, sexually and probably other ways. The moment you are alone, you are confronted with your issues. When he is around, you forget all about them. Your ex serves as a band aid, to hide your wounds.
The best you can do is to find a way to heal your wounds. This way you are no longer dependent on the band aid. Work on yourself, never give your power or security away to someone else. Face your fears! It’s not easy, but that’s how you grow. You’ll be happier and more confident and you won’t need to rely on anyone else to feel this way. This way you’ll become more attractive to the opposite sex and attract men who appreciate this quality in a woman. By begging someone for love you are only going to attract men who need women that are weak or hopeless.
As for your husband. I feel like he keeps you around as a backup plan. You are a sure thing, because you are desperate for him. If tomorrow his ‘perfect woman’ comes a long, do you think the situation between you two will change? If you two were going to get back together ‘officially’, it probably would have happened by now. It looks to me that he is using you the same way you are using him. You are both each others band aid.

I could be wrong of course, but from what you wrote, these are my impressions.