Hi There,

I have a question bugging me, I feel deep down that what i should do is leave but i wanted some real advise, not just the obvious.

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year, it is my first relationship he is 29 and i am 23. I believe we are both pretty insecure (me being more so) as when we first started dating he ended up going through my things and reading messages and text messages, he also hacked my Facebook account, because he found that I had booty called a guy i use to date after a few weeks or so of seeing my current boyfriend, i did so as we had been fighting at the time and i would never had gone through with it, as the guy i messaged was disrespectful of me in the past and i regretted even responding to him or contacting him. Since then my current boyfriend had been paranoid and on many occasions went through my things.

I found out recently that he was signed up to a couple of adult websites including an affairs website which he claims he only had the account because ehe signed up drunk years ago, and there was something in the media of it being hacked, he also told me a while ago that he and a girl he was with were looking for swingers through a website. Now i listened to him, but i had a strong gut feeling that that wasn’t all, and there was more to him than meets the eye, so as he had disrespected my things in the past i decided to search his history ( i had always been against this especially after he did it to me, it was hard to bring myself to do it until the other night i did it with ease because i know something was wrong) he had been chatting and connecting with live web cam girls 5 or 6 to be exact recently, sending messages to them (dirty messages) and asking them to take there clothes off, its real time.. i felt and still feel crushed as i did not think he would be that type of person, and through all that we have been through, all of the insecurities i had with trust and being left which i expressed to him he had gone and done this, and paid for it, while i was next door. it makes me sick, i can see theres no emotion in it and thats what some men unfortunately like to do in there spare time.. but i can’t help but feel cheated, am i right in feeling this? is this just completely not on or acceptable?

he said when he realised what he was doing he stopped, but he never told me about it, and i know he never would have i wouldn’t have known if i didn’t go through his things. he said he feels disgusting and that he doesn’t want to be that person anymore, what gets me is that before he logged on to this site (signed up) he told me he was quitting porn and masturabation, and after he had logged on he told me he hadn’t masturbated or watched anything, its the lies, not that he did masturbate, whatever about that.

I saw so much good in him, and i just feel awful, but i also feel i may have attracted this into my life by having low self esteem and not feeling good enough, i have doubted him and tried to find things with him that prove to me he’s going to leave me, so i have been very insecure and hard to deal with while with him, is it possible i may have got my wish? to prove to myself that guys are un trustworthy and that I’m not worthy? And is what he has done cheating? am i being to harsh for wanting to leave him for this? with all of my issues and to add this on top feels like an impossible path to take if i stay with him, i don’t trust him i still think he is lying about certain things, did i sabotage this relationship un consciously? even him flirting or being bubbly and funny with a girl gets me in the chest (i have beat myself up for this in the past because some of the times it is irrational, he is naturally a bubbly funny friendly guy) so this situation I can’t even think about otherwise i will not cope, i want to cry overtime i think about it.

Deep down i truly see the best in him and that he is not that kind of person, i care for him, and i do believe in him when he says he hates what he has done and that it will never happen again, but every time i think about it i just feel like I’m being stomped in, it was my worst nightmare and it came true, atlas it wasn’t physical that would have been worse, another thing is i started having dreams of him being sexual with other girls before i found all this stuff, which i hadn’t had before. I blamed it on paranoia.

am i overreacting? is this cheating? did i do this?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I don’t know if i should stay or go

Thanks, x