The only real problem I see here is one sentence toward the end: “This is not the way it is supposed to be.” How do you know this?? How do you know what is supposed to be?? Unrequited love has been written about in most songs, most poetry. It fuels a large proportion of art. We all experience it. And it is much more deep than just rejection, which we also all experience.

Right now, you are only 19 years old and it sounds like you have lived a fairly sheltered life (first a small town, then a teeny school, etc). I’m not saying your feelings aren’t genuine. I have no doubt that they are! But you don’t know what the future holds. Right now, you don’t know what this situation is going to teach you that you can grow and learn from. What insight you will gain into yourself because of this agonizing situation (yes, I know it is!). You have a lot of people to meet in your life and you have a lot of places to see and live and visit. There are a lot of experiences that you haven’t probably thought of yet that are on your horizon.

What I mean by all of this is that you don’t know what is supposed to be. It’s okay to hurt and be giddy and excited and heartbroken. It’s okay to pine for a little while. It’s okay to eventually decide that you need to walk away from the situation. The situation isn’t supposed to be any other way than what it is. But thinking that the situation is “supposed to be” a different way is simply false, first of all, and that mindset is going to absolutely torture you.

Beyond that, I can’t be much help. Other than to accept the range of emotions you are feeling and to take care of yourself. Don’t lose sight of yourself and your worth. No one is worth that much (and heck, it never works anyway). Good luck.