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Is my relationship salvageable?

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  • #386230
    Anonymous
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    Dear Houston:

    If I want to reconcile and get back together with her, what should I do?.. Thoughts? Advice?“- I want to re-read your post more attentively later, but from first, fast reading, it seems like she is a very, very nice young woman and you may be nice when you are not angry.. maybe you may have an anger problem. If you agree (?) I suggest that you attend a few psychotherapy sessions to look into the origin of your anger, and ways to manage it in the context of close relationships,  so that it no longer caused damage in your life.

    *I will be back in a few hours.

    anita

    #386232
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Houston:

    Your anger: “we had a disagreement that escalated to a brief emotional outburst on my part where I said things I didn’t mean.. Even though I felt terrible for what I had said, in the moment I half-defended my comment and then put her on the spot and asked her if she was breaking up with me… I responded out of hurt and said something “I guess being cold helps moving on. Take care”- this is your verbal aggression against her (the outburst), and passive-aggression (“I guess being cold..”).

    “She referenced that line by saying ‘I can tell you that my piece isn’t breaking, it’s broken.”- aggression in the context of an intimate relationship breaks intimacy, it breaks the person receiving the aggression. In other words, aggression kills love.

    To resume a better relationship with her, you have to learn to manage your anger well so that you no longer direct aggression or passive-aggression against her. There needs to be no aggression in the relationship. You have to show her that you are able to practice a no-aggression policy in the relationship.

    anita

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