Dear Lajla:

You read to me like a reasonable young woman. Your mother, from your description, reads like an anxious woman who is burdening you with her anxiety. She has some valid points but you already agree with those points (that college will be your first priority, for one) and she inserts her anxiety into her advice, input, and that … spoils the advice on delivery.

Just because she is your mother does not mean she is wiser than you. It doesn’t mean she knows better than you. It simply means she is older in years, able to provide you the home you live in perhaps, but it does not mean more than these things.

You asked: “Is it wrong to be in love in my age, and to want nice things with him in the future (like family, our life)?… is it wrong to wish for that and to spend quality time together?”- no, it is not wrong.

It is wrong for one person (your mother, in this case) to burden another person (you, in this case) with her anxiety, to inaccurately project her experience (betrayal by a man, not finishing college…) into you, and to suggest that your life should be about her (“told me I’m egoistic, because I’m not thinking how my behavior affects her”).

You wrote: “I’m just living my life, and trying to enjoy it, but she is constantly worrying about me, and I’m just a normal person to my self…”- please do live your life, enjoy it and be true to yourself.

anita