Is it worth it to ask for another chance?

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This topic has 32 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 13, 2020 at 1:08 am #361525

Annie
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Noor – Hi Noor, thank you for your reply. We do still talk sometimes, and it does get frustrating sometimes because I always need to be the first one to say something, otherwise we don’t talk for the rest of the day. I do talk about feelings and things with her though, sometimes she just gets annoyed because she’s either too glued to her gaming screen or having her earphones on and I feel bad/sad. At those times, I feel like giving up trying to bother with talking with her. I guess now I’m just accepting that she’s just like that because it’s how she is. But sometimes though, she does express to me how she feels or like about some things, though it still feels like a wall between us. But I guess that’s just how it is. I just forget sometimes that our age gap is big.

We used to play online games together, but she made her own group of online friends so she plays with them instead. Besides that game, she sometimes bakes but she prefers to do those things by herself. Even times when my mom and her are prepping food and I come out to join, my sister would stop and leave. I feel sad and hurt because I feel like she doesn’t want me to join or do things together. We used to watch video together but it was because I asked her to watch with me. Her reaction tells me that she doesn’t want to and it feels like a burden for her to do things together. So it was why I eventually stopped suggesting or asking her to watch with me because I felt she doesn’t appreciate those times or even miss it.

Thank you Noor. Break ups are always tough to deal with, especially at a time like this in my opinion. I’m still trying to deal with it and still do feel emptiness. I hope you’re feeling better too and I believe that you’re a strong person.

July 13, 2020 at 1:39 am #361526

Noor
Participant

Hi Annie,

I think it is admirable on your part that you are truly putting in the effort to build a bond with your sister. I am sorry that her reactions make you feel “sad and hurt”, those are certainly not good feelings and you do not deserve that. I hope things gradually get better, and lately, for me, I have been taking a lot of nature walks during such circumstances, it feels like a nice escape for a while.

Wishing you all the best and thank you so much for your kind words.

July 13, 2020 at 9:08 am #361551

Anonymous
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Dear Annie:

You are welcome, and thank you for expressing your appreciation. These are my thoughts today:

– Regarding your sister (who is even younger than I thought): I had to accept it myself, in my life, that some people simply don’t like me, and there is nothing I can (or should) do about it. It is not more complicated than this example: some people don’t like broccoli and .. there is nothing you can do about it. My favorite dog, Hunter, does not like broccoli. I can put cheese on it, or soak it in meat sauce, but all he will do is eat the cheese off the broccoli, or lick the meat sauce off and spit out the broccoli.

From your descriptions, seems like your sister doesn’t like you. I think that my sister doesn’t like me. She has been nice and polite to me most of the time, but I don’t think she likes me. I can live with the reality that some people like me and some don’t, and those that don’t like me, are likely to continue to not like me. But I can see how it is more difficult for you to live with such a reality because the two of you share the same room. Interesting, how we somehow expect that family will like us, but it ain’t necessarily so.

– Regarding romantic connections where you “confide too much to them and in the end they would say harsh things”- better then to not confide too much. Confide just a bit and wait, check for his reaction: will he say a harsh word to you, or use what you confided in him against you? Or will he say supportive words to you and not betray your confidence? According to his reaction, confide a little bit more, or not. In other words, proceed with caution, don’t rush.

“It’s also hard for me to make friends growing up because I’m painfully awkward socially and I do get social anxiety”- this is why proceeding with caution is a good idea. A scared person should proceed slowly, attentively, cautiously.

“I do journal about it but I guess it still doesn’t replace the feeling of not having someone to empathize with me, like a best friend you know?”- I understand. If you journal here, or continue to post here, I will empathize with you. I am not a person in your real life, but I am very much a real person typing these words. (I do hope you have a best friend and a boyfriend irl sooner than later).

– Regarding pandemic related worries: “I was really hoping and looking forward to learning driving this year, but that would have to be postponed until later because of quarantine.. I should’ve done it sooner… my work situation is currently unstable.. I’m really worried.. whether I’ll be rehired”-

– we all have to wait and see, survive these especially uncertain times best we can and be stronger for surviving it well, and take it from there. The work experience you had that made you feel pride in yourself, that is not lost, it is only dormant, ready to be awakened when the economy resumes and begins to recover. About not learning to drive earlier- you weren’t able to predict a pandemic, hardly anyone predicted this: it’s been a huge surprise to me and to most people.

anita
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