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Is it Safe to Stay?

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  • January 17, 2017 at 9:59 am #125534
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear islandgirl17:

    I say: move on.

    Once you told him about your nights with the other man, in details; those details are stuck in his brain. You told him and you can’t un-tell him. On paper, once he chose to continue the relationship with you, he … should let go of those details. In real life, for many of us, when those details take hold in our brains, the neurons establishing themselves around those juicy details, it is too much to handle. After all, you weren’t able to handle his details, when you found out he cheated on you.

    Thing is, beyond this problem, you haven’t been happy with who he is. I am sure you are attached to him, but compatibility is not there. So I would say: move on. Have a compatible man in your life, as your intimate partner. Choose the man carefully. And then, see to it that he doesn’t share with you details you cannot handle, and don’t share with him details that he can’t.

    anita

    January 17, 2017 at 10:12 am #125538
    IslandGirl17
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.

    He also constantly asks what the man’s name is and wants to know where he works. The only reason I haven’t told him is because he has kids my age and I’m scared my boyfriend will show up at his office to see what he looks like (I’m 100% sure he will do this) (do you think I should tell him?). The only thing I told him was that he’s older and offered me a lot of perspective because he’s successful, knowledgeable and owns his own business. I think my boyfriend tries to compare himself to him all the time because when we argue he would say – “go find someone who has drive and is successful…go back to that old man.”

    To be fair it’s just as much as my fault as his, because you are right. I should leave and be with the person I feel I am compatible with and he should leave because he can’t accept my past. We’ve both “chosen” to stay and it’s unhealthy.

    January 17, 2017 at 10:23 am #125541
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear islandgirl17:

    You are welcome. Reads to me that indeed, you should leave and be with a person you are compatible with. The way it is, is unhealthy for the two of you.

    anita

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