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Is it possible to forgive the past and a person, but not still like them?

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Is it possible to forgive the past and a person, but not still like them?

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  • January 22, 2014 at 4:12 pm #49572
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Jenn-ay,
    I think it can be disappointing not the parent you feel that you needed to have. I admire you for your willingness to forgive, to know that you cannot change him, how you acknowledge what good he has done.

    I wonder if that is enough to love him as a human being and not like him as a person. If you let go of expectations on what he should be, know who he is as a flawed person, and let go of the past then isn’t that enough to have some sort of relationship so he can be in your daughter’s life?

    Letting go of past disappointments, betrayals, and hurts can be tough and not an overnight process. I believe if you continue to focus on the current good things day-by-day then the past will let itself go.

    Best of luck,
    Mark

    January 22, 2014 at 6:31 pm #49574
    ZenSpeaking
    Participant

    How beautiful word “forgive” you said! You’ve just taken the first step to have happy life.

    I have Posted a Zen story, in the end the Zen master said

    The extreme kind or evil people is always very few. The most people like these villagers is ordinary, they have both small kindness and evil, if you give them an good opportunity, they will be kindness , conversely, they will be bad, so you should forgive the evil and lead the kindness.

    That’s why I said you have taken the correct step, because you’ve gave him a good opportunity, no matter whether you like him or not, he will be good in the future, you just need to have a peaceful heart to wait for.

    Good luck!

    • This reply was modified 11 years, 4 months ago by ZenSpeaking.
    • This reply was modified 11 years, 4 months ago by ZenSpeaking.
    January 23, 2014 at 8:15 am #49609
    Jenn-ay
    Participant

    Thank you Mark and Zenspeaking for your kind words.

    I have been giving your words some serious thought. I am willing and in the process of forgiving my father, I have been for a while now. And it has been a difficult journey, letting go of the expectation, disappointment and accepting him and the choices he has made and continues to make in regards to our relationship. To keep trying to be open to him, and be met with his own expectations too.

    I think maybe I have come to a point on my journey with him, where emotionally I need to let him go. It has been hard to accept that I have never really had a chance with him, when I have meditated, this is what my soul has said to me, so I am accepting that. I have apologized to him for all of the things I have done that hurt him. I have tried to be open, communicative and I am tired. He doesn’t fill my soul. And maybe that is what this boils down to, this is as good as it gets. What we resist persists. And I am exhausted fighting my reality, he is there, he tries, he cares to the extent he will allow himself to for me, he is a hurt individual himself, and doesn’t see me fully, which is his loss.

    I think I can love him as a human being, which really is that I don’t wish him harm, I wish him well on his journey, and I really do just want him to be happy.

    Maybe, I can say, at this point, he is not a positive force in my life. And I know for sure, I want more people in my life who are and need to focus on that. I want deep, fulfilling connections with people.

    The door will always be open for him, he can come in and stay, or come and go as he sees fit. I won’t force him. I think I just need to stop forcing myself to wait patiently for someone, who may never change.

    January 23, 2014 at 9:49 am #49620
    Mark
    Participant

    Life is an every changing and growing process isn’t it? I admire you for your willingness to forgive your father and being open. I would think that is very hard to do.

    Good for you for looking to those people who are a positive force.

    Metta,
    Mark

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