I’m currently going through a similar situation emotionally. My boyfriend, who had always said he wanted to stay with me forever just decided one day that he wanted to be single forever and dumped me out of the blue. We still live together for now, and things between us are better than they’ve ever been, though he maintains that he doesn’t want a relationship.

I also hold out hope that one day he’s going to open his eyes and see how wonderful we are together. I am not going to say whether that hope is good or bad, but I will say this:

You owe it to yourself to be where you are celebrated, not tolerated and she has a reason for not wanting a relationship. We hold on to our emotional attachments because change is painful and losing someone we’ve invested so much in hurts – it’s difficult to adjust. But you deserve someone who is going to celebrate you as you are and life will happen as it’s meant to happen. You need to be honest with yourself about your motivations for wanting her back – remembering that people come into our lives for a reason, and leave for a reason. Trust that if she’s meant to come back, she will, without trying to force it to happen.

As for your plan to meet her in two to four months: we can never know how much things are going to change in a few weeks, let alone a few months. Keep the plan, but start building your life without her. Focus on growing in yourself and doing the things that make you happy. Continue to build relationships and hobbies without thinking about your “plan”. Life usually has its own plans.

I’m also holding on to hope, but honestly – I’ve found that focusing on myself and planning without including my ex in my plans is making things a lot better for me. The hope that he would change his mind does sometimes hold me back, because I find myself thinking “If I change in this way, will that make him more likely to take me back.” – and I don’t believe that that’s the right way to live.

For now, just be where your feet are. Focus on yourself and where your life is right now and let what happens, happen – it will whether you want it to or not.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. ” — Lao Tzu

I’m around if you’d like to talk more.

Don’t,

I agree with Ke’s heartfelt and tender wisdom, and find her directions of keeping your attention in the present especially important. As I read your words, a few things came to heart. Consider your words:

“I’m working out, putting on weight and working on myself spiritually so that next time she sees me I will have actually changed for the better.”

This is problematic for a few reasons. The most important is that when we use others as a source of our motivation, such as wanting to grow so she sees you in a new way, then we are creating more dependency in our minds. As you work out, she is there. As you eat, she is there. As you grow your meditation practice, she is there. Then in two months, if she sees you, and doesn’t care, all of that dependency will smash into your brain like a lightning bolt. And with it, a huge chunk of your motivation will evaporate.

Secondly, this world is full of beautiful people, and as you’ve grown and will grow further, there is the potential to have something far more incredible than what you had with her. As you come to love and care for yourself, your inner light will shine brightly and attract a woman that does see and appreciate you. Thinking of the ex will only hold you back, because she is moving on. Her heart closed to you in that way… she is happily exploring her world now, and feels more peaceful without you. She may be the woman that sees your light, sure, but the less you hold to the vision of her and what you two had, the more you let go, the more energy you will regain to be bold and spontaneous with the world around you. That, brother, is where all of the magic rests… all the joy.

With warmth,
Matt