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November 18, 2019 at 5:54 am #323361
MangoParticipantIs it just me or does anyone feel like they are gonna die alone?
(I know this sounds dramatic but let me explain). I’m different then most people my age (I’m 20 btw). Throughout the last 4 years I have deleted all my social media (snapchat, twitter and instagram) besides facebook. It just wasn’t my thing. I hated the constant “not knowing” what a message meant on snapchat, or trying to figure what emoji to send back. I didn’t like taking so much time to think through my instagram captions, because I was so desperate to get as many likes as I could. To me, social media profiles or in instagrams case; a cluster of photos… didn’t describe the true me. My profile, like many others, were my best pictures or my highlights captured on one page. They were even sometimes edited or enhanced to take out blemishes and whiten my teeth. Thinking about it, I wonder how this represents me? The profile that strangers come across, only show my highlights or the best moments of my life. Is it just me or does anyone else feel the same? This wasn’t very accurate representation of who I was. Not only did this bother me, I felt fake. This isn’t my reality, heck it isn’t even close to it! Anyway, I had my reasons of why I thought I deleted social media apps.
While pursuing my degree at a university, I have had a few relationships that weren’t long lasting. Now without social media, it is harder for me to meet people or connect via online. Due to focusing on my studies, its been about a year since I was involved in a relationship. I worry now since I am not on snapchat or instagram or twitter, that I am possibly limiting my options. I feel really strongly about staying off social media apps, as I have been a lot happier since. It wouldn’t be so hard to meet people if other people felt the same way that I do. At social events I rarely see anyone put there phone down and talk to anyone new. This day in age, there is very small amount of individuals that find each other off the web. Most are messaging for quite awhile online via snapchat or tinder, and then “hanging out”. What am I suppose to do if that’s not me? What am I suppose to do if that’s how everyone meets now a days, and I don’t conform?
My question at the beginning was asked because of how different I feel from others. Everyone close to me loves snapchat and checks it constantly. I can’t relate, but I know its a good way to keep in touch with people. I worry since I’m not involved in these apps that I am going to never find anyone. I know it was different during my parents time- everyone met offline- but now everyone is online and tuned into their phone, more than who’s passing right in front of them. I can’t say that I’ve been in love and I’m worried I wont ever have the privilege to experience it.
November 18, 2019 at 12:53 pm #323487
AnonymousGuestDear Mackenzie;
I hope a younger member will answer you. I don’t have Facebook myself, or snapchat, twitter, Instagram and such. Hopefully though, there are other people your age, about 20, who do Facebook but not the other things and who share your values regarding presenting yourself authentically.
No individual is the only one in any matter (“Is it just me”). We may be different from most, but we are not the only ones. I wonder where and how you can find other people your age who share your values and dislike of most social media.
I don’t know. I hope someone with a better answer replies to you.
anita
November 19, 2019 at 7:34 am #323555
JimParticipantMackenzie,
i am not in my 20s, actually in my 30s and i completely understand how you feel. When i was in a long term relationship, i deleted my facebook and snap chat. Once i was out of that relationship, i felt like there was no other way of connecting with people other than to get back on those sites. While on there, ive attempted to “play the game” and be active with posts, but its just not my thing, i guess im not good at it.
so many people are addicted to these apps and its disappointing. I too believe that it seems to be the only way to connect with people. The old fashion hope that one of your friends will suggest you to another single person just doesnt seem to happen. Ive held hope for this idea, and nobody even has a single person in mind.
i will say this…those apps also can cause a lot of damage. While i did participate in dating apps, snap chat, etc, they also were a negative for me. Its not the apps fault, but strictly my own for m actions. While on these apps, ive conversed with many women and thought it was great. I met a handful of women, but the problem was, i didnt see an end in sight. Once i found something that i was enjoying but didnt feel 100% on, i continued to field the messages from other women coming in that had major interest in me. This seemed to help the break up go much easier on my end, but ultimately i ended up regretting it over time.
i guess in conclusion, i understand how you feel, the ability to connect with others is not there without the avenues, but i too feel fake on these apps, and the truth is, so is everyone else. Please understand that you arent suffering by not participating. Take me as an example of the negative aspect of these apps. You are open and available to anyone connecting to you, and if your mind isnt in the right frame at all times, as a human, we can make mistakes.
try to take a deep breath and realize it may take time, but be who you are deep down inside, or else you will struggle with questioning what to do at all times, driving yourself mad.
November 19, 2019 at 12:25 pm #323625
meaowParticipantBig respect to you not using social media to make connections! I bet millions of people would love to be as you are, were they not completely addicted…
My advice to you, make connections in other ways – go to sports, art, music, hobby, common interests groups. Strike up conversations with strangers in cafes. Do some voluntary work to meet people. Get involved with a community project, or some activism. Find meditation, laughter yoga, healing or yoga classes. Most importantly: think of those around you who really see you, love you, like you, have time for you already, and develop deeper bonds with them. As you develop your autonomy and sense of self, and develop your relationships, your fear of ‘dying alone’ will lessen, as hopefully you will see many people to connect and relate with.
Good luck with it all, and please remember how lovable you are xxxxx
November 19, 2019 at 2:55 pm #323665MangoParticipantAnita: I appreciate you replying to me, it really helps to have someone hear me out and try to understand. Also for helping me feel less alone, I thank you 🙂
Jim: Wow, thank you for your story. It puts things in perspective for me and I appreciate you telling me all that. Its helpful that someone else feels the same way, about the “fakeness” of these apps. Also, you are totally correct about staying true to what I feel deep down, because it is not easy being someone your not. I have wanted to give in and get my snapchat back or try a dating app, but I know I need to trust my inner voice.
Meaow: Thank you for replying! Your advice means a lot to me and I will for sure try them. It reiterates the hope I have of being okay with feeling different.
November 19, 2019 at 3:12 pm #323671JimParticipantMackenzie,
like i said before, you can use those forms of connection with others, just dont do it unless you feel in control of your communication. The dating apps will open you up to a world you have never witnessed and it was very difficult to me to steer clear of talking to multiple women at one time, or even women who i wouldnt normally be interested in simply based on convenience.
the truth is we are all in control of our actions, just cannot allow pressure to cause us to cave. So if you do decide to attempt them, approach with the same goals and values that you have now, and dont waver.
November 20, 2019 at 10:26 am #323757AnonymousGuestDear Mackenzie:
You are welcome. It is worth repeating what you stated in your original post regarding your social media profile: “My profile.. were my best pictures or my highlights captured on one page. They were even sometimes edited or enhanced to take out blemishes and whiten my teeth.. my highlights or the best moments of my life… I felt fake. This isn’t my reality, heck it isn’t even close to it!”-
– how impressively honest and astute, and you are only 20. Quite amazing! I still don’t know how you will meet a good candidate for a future relationship, but he will be a fortunate man, reads to me.
It just occurred to me, that it is possible to have a profile on social media that is accurate, that fits your reality. You can have photos of yourself that are not enhanced, photos of you not in the best moments of your life. You can create an unusual profile, a true to reality profile. And then, imagine you come across a young man’s profile which is also not enhanced and shows him in not so great moments. What a fresh breath, invigorating experience that would be!
anita
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