Hello Bubbles

I have thought about this question alot myself… i have been in two long term unhappy relationships and i have to say that most of my friends and families are in relationships that are either ‘hard work’ or unhappy…

i myself have learned from the women in my life that love is hard.. it is work.. Full of sacrafice, putting up with bad behvaiour.. In fact its almost a sign of how deep your love is, by how unhappy and how much shit you put up with… Then theres divorce,,, kids and all sorts then thrown in to the commitment..

Personally i don’t know how much i buy into all that.. And the more disillusioned i am with it.. The more i want to be on my own… i would rather be alone than in a relationship that is a best hard work.. exhausting and draining and at worst abusive, restrictive or that zaps the happiness or spark from myself..

i believe that the relationship i choose to be in is one where we support and respect each other. but most inportabtly we can talk about experiences as they happen.. We don’t turn on the other or make life more difficult for the other.. And most imporatntly we stop trying to change and mould the other person.. And this i believe is the most important aspect to a long term happy relationship… If both parties are comitted to maintaining a happy relationship they will be able to talk in a non confrontational and blaming way… They will be a able to take responsibility for actions and reactions.. They will love and accept each other as they are and where they are in life not trying to make them more or push them into being a desired way..

And they will truly love the other which means they will work with each other making things in life less hard… Being as honest as they can about themselves and owning their emotions and reactions..

Thats what i think…

I could have written this letter when I was not quite thirty! I got the same messages that I was too picky, but I stuck to my convictions and went through 4 whole years of online dating with some small successes but nothing major. Then I week after I turned 30, I met someone that actually made me feel like I wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him better, and I found myself hoping that he liked me back, instead of my usual reactions of either wanting to run away or cool indifference.

My relationship doesn’t feel like work at all. It feels like effort maybe, and sometimes compromises, but those compromises are joyfully given, without resentment or bitterness, because we both give and take in order to keep the other happy and keep ourselves happy as well.