Dear Eva:

You had what you called a honeymoon month with him three years ago. Following that month you went cold on him, ignoring him as you went back to your ex.

I too understand why he would be hurt and angry at you, for ignoring him, turning your back to him with no explanation. It was wrong of you to do that. You should have explained to him, told him the truth.

The next three years or so, he has been reminding you of that wrongdoing, lashing out at you with anger. And during these three years, except for the times he broke up with you, you didn’t ignore him again, correct? You were honest with him throughout?

If so, and following doing all you can do to make it up to him, he has been using you to release anger he had since early childhood, anger he had before he met you. Anger he had following his parents hurting him, not you.

I think you have a pretty good understanding of him and the situation. Problem is you feel very attached to him, in love with him. You wrote close to the end of your share that you can’t let him go.

If you can’t let him go, you will not let him go. We won’t do what we can not do.

You wrote that “he is like a narcisstic psychopath”, lacking empathy for others. My question to you, in my effort to offer something helpful to you, is: do you believe he never has empathy for you or only at times?

If he lacks empathy for you all the time, what feels good about being with him?

anita