Hi there,

I just came across this because I saw ‘invisible voices’ as the title, and I have this issue too. Not with being hit or being in an abusive relationship but negative self-talk in general, largely to do with anxiety. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I thought I’d offer my take, if it’s okay.

Do you know how when you’re on an airplane, they explain how the oxygen masks work? They tell you to put the mask on yourself before helping anyone else, including your children. Because you can’t help them if you are not safe first.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to leave that relationship. It’s a place that you aren’t safe, and that is the first requirement of a relationship. Safety, respect, trust – those are all fundamentals. It sounds like you’ve had abusive relationships before, and that you’ve lost sight of what a normal, healthy relationship is. If it’s abusive, in any way (including verbal) it is not healthy.

You can’t take care of your children if you don’t first take care of yourself. Leave the toxic, dangerous and upsetting relationship, no matter how hard it is for you, because you will never get better for as long as you stay in it. Be strong for yourself and for your children. By taking the time to take care of yourself, you will also be taking care of them. It’s time for you and your kids – but it must start with you.

I don’t know you but I wish you the best. Listen to your heart. Listen to the stronger voices. Listen to the feeling in your belly. Sometimes, our heads get confused. But our hearts know what’s right. Quiet down and listen. You’ll feel the truth, and you’ll feel what’s right. Look at your children and do what is best and safe for them. Don’t let them grow up witnessing their mother in a bad relationship. Do it for yourself and for them. You must protect yourself in order to protect your children.

You can do it. I believe in you. You’re stronger than you think.

Aeris