Dear Lacienega:

You brought up two issues: one, your discomfort with the supervisor, you feeling that she mistreated you and the other is your shame about having cried at length, at work, in front of her and co workers.

It seems to me that your supervisor should have talked about her concern over your crying with you privately, instead of bringing it up in a meeting, and then repeatedly bringing it up in consecutive meetings. You can point that out to her if you want.

Regarding feeling ashamed: shame is a painful feeling about being wrong, or doing something wrong, unacceptable. Well, it is unacceptable to cry at length at work in front of others in most circumstances, so a tiny shameful feeling, maybe, is appropriate, a few minutes of it, maybe, just enough for you to take notice and not repeat the behavior.

But notice: a feeling of shame is probably appropriate for your supervisor as well, for bringing up your crying in a meeting and repeatedly!

I am not advocating shame- it is a painful feeling, but it is appropriate … in moderation just so to motivate a person to make a change in behavior so to function better, wiser.

anita

Dear Lacienaga:

You are welcome. Shame limited in time, only for the purpose of changing a behavior that does need to change for our own well being, for our more effective functioning. Otherwise, shame is a great and unnecessary suffering, inflicting, unfortunately, so many of us.

anita