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Incredibly unhappy with college and jealous of long distance boyfriend's life?

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  • August 24, 2015 at 10:14 am #82251
    Judy
    Participant

    I’m currently a rising junior in college, and so is my boyfriend. We both go to completely different universities. I attend a large, Big10 public university, whereas my boyfriend attends a small, southern private university. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and the past two years have been incredibly difficult to manage. I’ve lost a handful of friends and every part of my life has been inconsistent. My grades have dropped immensely from the large amounts of stress and drama.
    Whenever I see my campus, i only see failure. My failure to make friends, to experience the “college dream”, to achieve good grades. I only see failures when I look at my university. The only reason I stayed is because my parents moved in order to gain in-state tuition. Not only that, but attending this credible university has been the highlight to my parents. But I find myself hating my life more and more every year.

    I have not found that group of friends that make me feel like I’m at home. I have not found good relationships with professors. I have no found clubs or groups that make me feel like I have a purpose on campus. All things that my boyfriend has found and created in his small university. I find myself in a lot of regret, and I don’t want to go into the next year with this attitude. If anyone has experienced bad college experiences and has gotten out of them, please. Any advice would be helpful.

    August 24, 2015 at 12:20 pm #82267
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Judy:

    For me to give you advice I need to know if you talked to your parents about your miserable college experience? If you did, what did you say, what did they say? Where does the communication stand? If you didn’t- why not? What do they think your experience is like: do you tell them it is okay?

    anita

    August 24, 2015 at 2:45 pm #82293
    Judy
    Participant

    My parents do know. Or at least they know, but they don’t know the extent of my unhappiness.
    They know of my struggles with school, and with making friends. They know about my depression and anxiety. They know about all of the drama that has occurred within the past two years. I just don’t think they understand HOW much I don’t enjoy being at this university.

    August 24, 2015 at 2:59 pm #82294
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Judy:

    The choice to attend this university was a group-choice, the group is your mother, your father and you. Three people that I know about. your parents moved so to get in state tuition. They invested in this group choice and you invested moving with them as well as attending it as long as you have. This choice is not working out well. You are paying with much distress. The group choice should be re-visited by the group who made this choice. You should sit with your parents and discuss it the best you can, like three adults. Each person invested in it. You are greatly suffering. You should not suffer alone. Some solution should be worked on to relieve your suffering. If you stop attending the university their investment will be lost and so will your investment. But so is life, lots of what we invest in does not bring the reward intended. We have to be flexible enough to re-evaluate choices made for success or failure and make new choices the best we can. There can be growth out of this, your growth, a growth of your relationship with your parents.

    You may choose to attend your bf’s college? And you may have to do it without an additional investment on your parents’ part.

    anita

    August 25, 2015 at 9:08 am #82357
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Judy,

    Hang in there. It sounds really hard. I had a tough time too when i went to a top University. I couldnt really connect, found myself lost about the future and my inferiority complex just got worse. My boyfriend seemed to be happier in his college back home though he had more than enough family trouble. I would say two things here –

    1) If you really cant take it anymore, then go to an environment that nourishes you rather than depletes your soul. In the long run, its your happiness that counts and your happiness, well-being in turn will get you closer to your peak performance.

    2) Other side of the coin: Have you really pushed your boundaries yet and explored the opportunities college has to offer?

    Think about it.

    – Moon

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