First of all, I am so sorry that your first love had to go this way. My heart goes out to you so consider yourself to be virtually hugged. 🙂 Okay…now the tough stuff. Yes, you are young,but that isn’t meant to discount your feelings. I will always remember my first love and I think almost everyone does. By my saying that you are young I mean that you have so much living, loving, and learning to do. It seems your ex is very immature and quite incapable of the commitment that it seems you are looking for. He cheated on you with more than one girl and for four months. That is not even a mistake. That is a choice. Even adults who have had more experience in relationships would have a very hard time moving past that and trusting him again. I don’t think you let your insecurities overthrow logic when you broke up with him. I believe you had a moment of clarity and knew that this isn’t the kind of relationship that you want. Look at it this way….if your very best friend or sister came to you and laid it all out as you did here…what would you tell her she should do? Loving someone and deciding to walk away is very hard. Even when you know it is the best thing for you. Other than telling you the same thing that others have told you…ie: do what is best for you….I can only tell you what I would do. Consider what lessons you can take from this relationship, learn from them, and walk away from him. You will have more relationships and they will contain lessons too. They will all serve to teach you about yourself, others, and what you really want in a partner. Then when the right guy comes along you will be the right girl for him.

Brianna,

You are quite welcome. I do acknowledge your feelings as being authentic because I fell in love for the first time when I was 15. We were together for 3.5 years. I still have a place for him in my heart and always will. So, I can relate to how you are feeling. Anita brought up a point to which I must have missed. I agree that if you have continued the relationship for years after the infidelity and there has been no re-occurrence, that does say that he has matured and quite possibly is worthy of your trust. Only you can decide if you are capable of giving him that. Although I was not adopted, I had abandonment and betrayal at a very young age. I understand those seeds of insecurity being planted early in life. You are much more self aware than I was at your age. I thought that I had dealt with those issues and many others that followed. However, I am just coming to realize in my 40’s that I didn’t deal, I avoided. Now I am trying to make my way through the other side. I applaud your maturity and ability to look inward and seek healing and growth. Please continue to work on yourself and find clarity.

Sierra

Thank you Anita. I do not wish to overtake Brianna’s post by posting my long story here. However, I do plan on posting my own topic here soon. Suffice to say that I have dealt with various experiences that have hurt and damaged me in ways that have greatly affected my ability to feel happiness, contentment, and trust in my relationships. I equate my avoidance as having a large closet in the back of my mind. Whenever something bad happens I break down at first, but then I put that pain and emotion in a box. I take that box and shove it in the closet and shut the door. I do this fairly quickly. I had become so good at my apparent resiliency that I started to wonder if I was incapable of true and deep feelings. I figured that a “normal” person would not be able to bounce back so quickly and easily if true feelings had been involved. I only recently realized that I wasn’t bouncing back at all, but rather avoiding dealing with it altogether. Which we all know is not the same thing. I am beginning to understand that I have to emotionally and mentally go all the way back to the first hurt….working my way back to the present. I am currently in a relationship that my insecurities and trust issues…my walls….are threatening to destroy. I am as happy as I seem to be capable of at this point and I do not wish to jeopardize that now or in the future. Therefore, I am starting a journey towards saving myself and in turn,hopefully, save a possible happy future.

Sierra